"shoot me up
cmon, shoot me up
shoot me up
with a hypo full of love"
-Hypo Full of Love by Alabama 3
These last few days have been a trial. I've been beset with massive cravings for things I gave up.
I've been wanting to be drunk and high, very badly wanting.
I used to have a problem with several drugs, most notably crystal meth.
And, I come from a long line of functioning heavy alcoholics.
My last binge was late August 2001. I was out with a recent ex and a friend of his, a girl I'd had a crush on for some time. I got completely drunk, smoked a few grams of weed and did untold lines of coke.
I ended up in this dance club, while a dj was playing shitty trance. I sat on the floor in front of the giant speakers, completely entwined with this girl, legs, arms, mouths. She confessed she'd always had a thing for me. Did I mention she's a gorgeous strawberry blonde with freckles, huge blue eyes, and a sassy attitude? She moved to Toronto. *sigh*
Ok that part wasn't so bad.
The shitty thing was I behaved like an ass and hurt my ex's feelings.
The other shitty thing was the next morning I felt like a condemned building that a wrecker ball had already begun working on. I vowed to give it all up. Hence the vices section of my profile.
Well I've been good and kept that promise. Even when I've had those stomach tossing visceral crystal meth cravings. Even when I wanted to drift away on an E cloud and was actually salivating. Even when I've been cramping up and craving the relief of a bowl. I've been very good, if you can call it that.
Yesterday I found out a friend of mine is a dealer when I was forced to hang out at his place for awhile. I was offered drugs. I refused, but it was REALLY hard. I won't be visiting this friend again any time soon. Really.
Then I get home, and a friend sends me Take Me Home by Concrete Blonde. That song makes me want to be obliterated.
It took every fibre of me to avoid going out and buying a bottle or searching for drugs. I distracted myself by doing, of all things, housework.
My apartment is clean now.
Where the hell do these out of the blue cravings come from? And when do they stop?
cmon, shoot me up
shoot me up
with a hypo full of love"
-Hypo Full of Love by Alabama 3
These last few days have been a trial. I've been beset with massive cravings for things I gave up.
I've been wanting to be drunk and high, very badly wanting.
I used to have a problem with several drugs, most notably crystal meth.
And, I come from a long line of functioning heavy alcoholics.
My last binge was late August 2001. I was out with a recent ex and a friend of his, a girl I'd had a crush on for some time. I got completely drunk, smoked a few grams of weed and did untold lines of coke.
I ended up in this dance club, while a dj was playing shitty trance. I sat on the floor in front of the giant speakers, completely entwined with this girl, legs, arms, mouths. She confessed she'd always had a thing for me. Did I mention she's a gorgeous strawberry blonde with freckles, huge blue eyes, and a sassy attitude? She moved to Toronto. *sigh*
Ok that part wasn't so bad.
The shitty thing was I behaved like an ass and hurt my ex's feelings.
The other shitty thing was the next morning I felt like a condemned building that a wrecker ball had already begun working on. I vowed to give it all up. Hence the vices section of my profile.
Well I've been good and kept that promise. Even when I've had those stomach tossing visceral crystal meth cravings. Even when I wanted to drift away on an E cloud and was actually salivating. Even when I've been cramping up and craving the relief of a bowl. I've been very good, if you can call it that.
Yesterday I found out a friend of mine is a dealer when I was forced to hang out at his place for awhile. I was offered drugs. I refused, but it was REALLY hard. I won't be visiting this friend again any time soon. Really.
Then I get home, and a friend sends me Take Me Home by Concrete Blonde. That song makes me want to be obliterated.
It took every fibre of me to avoid going out and buying a bottle or searching for drugs. I distracted myself by doing, of all things, housework.
My apartment is clean now.
Where the hell do these out of the blue cravings come from? And when do they stop?
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
Oh, the things I'd do...*evilgrin*