tristesse

7 and 1/2 years and it's over. i still don't know if i've made a huge mistake. now that i'm here it feels different. i'm going to have to move the rest of my stuff out of his condo. i have to decide which pictures i want to keep, and which ones i want him to have. i can't believe i'm really doing this. it seemed like it was the right thing to do, when i was in CA. but it's so much harder to look him in the eyes and say it. i thought i would feel better if i ended it. i need to be honest with myself and him. i thought it would be a relief, and that i would feel much better after i told him my feelings. i think i feel worse now. i don't know if this is the right thing to do. i regret doing it. but i would regret not doing it. there's no way to win. i feel horrible.
when we were driving home tonight, the thought crossed my mind. i would whisper to him that i loved him, and would always love him. and then we could just drive off the road.....
but it's not going to happen. i've already done the damage. i won't be able to fix this anymore. i've ruined it. i hope it's for the best. i hope i can forgive myself. i hope i did the right thing.
7 years, my best friend, my only friend. i'm going to miss you more than anything. and i'll never forget that it was all my fault.