tristane

I am not a great fan of Christina Aguilera, but there is a line in one of ther songs that strikes me every time I hear it. It is in the middle of her song "Mercy on me".
"...my deceitful evil ways are growing stronger by the day.."
I can't say why these particular lines get me every time. The song is a repent for the wickedness of her life, and although I am neither Christian nor particularly repentful, it is an imagery of what I could be - perhaps should be - for the wickedness in my ways.

Yesterday after the field patrol championship I stayed up talking to Barbie. We were both exhausted when we got home and with a popsicle each we slumped down in the couch and bantered. I have hardly seen nor spoken to Susy in weeks - she has been off on some mechanics course in Gothenburg - and Josie is off tutoring a mechanics platoon, but since I started baking Barbie and I have started to talk more and more. After almost six months of living together we are starting to get to know each other.
One thing I have soon found out is how she is a very jealous girlfriend. Yesterday she told me stories of how she had caught her man socializing with other girls and thrown their phones out the window, broke off with her best friends and lay heartbroken and crying all night for having read a "suspicious" text on her boyfriend's cellphone. I would not cope with being her boyfriend. My stanza is Fool Around All You Want But Never Lie To Me.
I made a mental note never to get between her and her boyfriend. It would probably kill me.

As if she could read my mind she brought up Hunter and suddenly exclaimed,
"You know, apparently he has been cheating on his girlfriend, things are really bad between the two of them."
She looked up to meet my raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, I know. You wouldn't believe he would do such a thing about him, would you, but that's how it is."
All I could manage was a,
"Oh. You mean... recently?"
"Yes, I heard it some week ago. I really never thought he would be such a person, but one never really knows."
I kept quiet as she bantered on, but the comment had made me flinch. Clearly she didn't know, but I wasn't so sure Jabbernaut didn't. He'd been hanging with Hunter a lot this spring, and I thought he had been acting weird around me ever since that night. Obviously he knew something had happened. Uncertain is if he knows when and with whom. At least it was clear that Barbie didn't know the details, and I was comforted by that fact as she went on about the deceitfulness of Other Women and the repulsiveness in his act.

Oh, if she only knew. If she only knew my wickedness, my deceitful evil ways. If Barbie only knew that the news she was giving me were things I had been the first to know.