tristane

So yeah, we slept with eachother. Just a matter of time. Dunno though. It was good - damn good to be honest - although ruined a bit by the fact that his room mate was supposed to sleep on the other side of the paper thin wall. God I hope he did. We were as quiet as possible, but the guy's not stupid and he's been giving me the funny look the last couple of times.

Tonight it was pretty obvious what was going to happen. The movie - some army flick about some IED team in Afghanistan - was just garnish on an otherwise straightly sexually orinented agenda. We wanted to fuck. We were almost supposed to fuck. It was a strange feeling.

I don't know about him though. In some way, however cute and sweet he is, he makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't know his agenda. I don't know what he wants. He sleeps with me, gets up and get dressed, pull me close, look tired and bored, suggests we'll stop the movie and then cuddles with me in the door. I am getting the point that he wants to sleep with me and then wants me to leave, but what bothers me the most is the thought that he hasn't yet grown to realize that intimacy and sex doesn't automatically have to involve some forged feelings and a relationship. I don't know if he keeps cuddling because he thinks this is what I want him to do. This thought keep nagging in my mind and keeps me from being relaxed.

Then there is this other thing. Before the movie he picked me up to go leave another movie at house thirteen. As he opened the door we stepped right into a movie night.
In the couch sat - Ace.
In that moment I realized that I would throw away every single encounter with Bugsy if Ace had showed interest in me. In a second. I'm not even in love with him (Ace, that is), but there are few things I wouldn't forsake if he had for a second showed interest.

Bugsy is cute, but Ace is... Ace.