I honestly don't know what to do. I know I have written about this before, but now I feel seriously mixed up. I have been accepted to the officer program this fall - but also to KTH and the engineering program I applied to in April as a security precaution in case I didn't like the army.
And I don't know what to do.
What I do know is that I don't want to work as a technician. It would have been great five years ago, but now I have come to the point in my life where I want to find something I can really put my heart and soul into for the upcoming thirty years. I won't be happy as a tecnician.
Thus my period in the army will count as a brief one since if I stay I will only stay for the first year of training. My goal is in that case not to become a technician but to get the officer's degree which will allow me to go abroad on international duty. Not that this is something I long for, but it pays well and it would be able to let me live rather well for the last year of engineering school.
Besides, there are the army perks. I am getting frighteningly used to being able to ride traffic for free, and I can't help thinking the military ID-card alone is worth the year in waiting. Not to mention how I would have my rent payed and my education fees taken care of, health and dental fees taken care of and all the practical help I could ever need.
However - in the army I would have to wait another year before I got to do what I really wanted. Can I afford to wait another year? Do I want to?
These questions are taring me apart. One day I am convinced that I will quit as soon as I return to school, the next day I find the thought of leaving the army downright laughable. I can't make up my mind, and I don't know what to do.
But the thing is, I miss having friends. Not just "people you know and hang with", but real friends. I feel like I have almost none left. I have been skipping around so much that the few people I know either lives a million miles away or never got the chance to get to know me properly in the first place. I can't even remember the last time I had somebody call me up on a Thursday night just to talk about nothing at all. null(That would have been in Norway, and that memory is too painful to think about.)
I would like to stay in the same place long enough to get a chance to get to know somebody. To have somebody to invite over for coffee. To have someone to invite over for movie night.
I am so chased around I don't even know where wishes end and habit begins, but that is really all I want. Stability. Friends. Warm arms, a blanket and a movie would be nice too.
Just... A normal life.
(Oh, did I mention cadette guy sent me a text message saying he was "rather busy the upcoming weeks" and wishing me a wonderful vacation. So much for "do you want to go biking with me in Denmark this summer".)
(Frikkin' asshole.)
And I don't know what to do.
What I do know is that I don't want to work as a technician. It would have been great five years ago, but now I have come to the point in my life where I want to find something I can really put my heart and soul into for the upcoming thirty years. I won't be happy as a tecnician.
Thus my period in the army will count as a brief one since if I stay I will only stay for the first year of training. My goal is in that case not to become a technician but to get the officer's degree which will allow me to go abroad on international duty. Not that this is something I long for, but it pays well and it would be able to let me live rather well for the last year of engineering school.
Besides, there are the army perks. I am getting frighteningly used to being able to ride traffic for free, and I can't help thinking the military ID-card alone is worth the year in waiting. Not to mention how I would have my rent payed and my education fees taken care of, health and dental fees taken care of and all the practical help I could ever need.
However - in the army I would have to wait another year before I got to do what I really wanted. Can I afford to wait another year? Do I want to?
These questions are taring me apart. One day I am convinced that I will quit as soon as I return to school, the next day I find the thought of leaving the army downright laughable. I can't make up my mind, and I don't know what to do.
But the thing is, I miss having friends. Not just "people you know and hang with", but real friends. I feel like I have almost none left. I have been skipping around so much that the few people I know either lives a million miles away or never got the chance to get to know me properly in the first place. I can't even remember the last time I had somebody call me up on a Thursday night just to talk about nothing at all. null(That would have been in Norway, and that memory is too painful to think about.)
I would like to stay in the same place long enough to get a chance to get to know somebody. To have somebody to invite over for coffee. To have someone to invite over for movie night.
I am so chased around I don't even know where wishes end and habit begins, but that is really all I want. Stability. Friends. Warm arms, a blanket and a movie would be nice too.
Just... A normal life.
(Oh, did I mention cadette guy sent me a text message saying he was "rather busy the upcoming weeks" and wishing me a wonderful vacation. So much for "do you want to go biking with me in Denmark this summer".)
(Frikkin' asshole.)
What I would say is that looking ahead at a year it seems like a very long time, but looking back over it, it seems to go so quickly, and the advantages may well help you much more in the long run.
I realise that is probably no help at all, but hang in there. Friends and things appear from the strangest places, no matter what you do.
And yes total arsehole, forget about him.