So, weekend in Stockholm went well enough. Guy was cute, weather was terrific, good friends as friendly and pleasant as ever. The weekend passed in a merry daze. Everything should have worked out well. But when I stepped out on the airport back in Kallinge I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of "this was it". It hadn't been bad or awkward in any way, it was just... over.
I figure he got the same feeling because when I called him that night to say hi and thank him for a nice weekend he soon had to go and say hi to his friends who had just come over. Neither of us made any indications of cuddliness in the few text messages that followed and that too soon faded into the mellow past.
I don't know if I regret it. I knew as well that we were hardly made for each other, but I mourn the fact that I am once again alone in the world. I know I know am picky with boyfriends. I don't do short time relationships, I don't see the point in bothering, but it would have been nice to not be alone for a change. To have someone who liked me for my oddness, not despite it. Who could listen to my rants with a smile and hold my hand and walk the night time streets with me and just breathe.
So, no, I suppose I don't feel bad about it. In the end, I don't miss him. I miss what he could have been.
It's the emptiness that it leaves that's so tough to contend with, but that's much easier to get over than a broken heart there is that silver lining.