I've not really said much while being a member of SG. Hell, I've not really said much to anyone anywhere because of things that happened in my past.
I went through a really traumatic experience when I was 17, it left me with un-diagnosed PTSD, Depression, anxiety, alcoholism - due to the former and other issues. I knew things were bad but not how to talk about it, how to ask for help, what to do to stop how I was feeling.
I lived like a robot, emotionally disconnected but full of fear because of the thoughts that ran and ran round my brain.
I went though life not being able to connect with family, make real friendships and always kept myself under the radar.
I hit rock bottom due to how I was feeling, the drinking, drugs and being so low. I attempted suicide a couple of times. That was back at the end of 2012. I weighed over 280 lbs.
I faced my fears and started to get help. I got dried out, clean and began working with a therapist.
At the end of January this year I finally am back on track. I no longer feel like a victim, I'm a survivor.
I have the tools learned through therapy, the support of my family and a couple of friends.
I no longer let negative thoughts rule my life. They are just thoughts. They no longer define me.
Why am I posting this? In a hope that anyone out there who reads this, doesn't feel alone as I had for such a long time.
Please face the fears, seek out help. Keeping everything bottled up just adds fuel to the fire and drags you further down into the darkness.
These days I'm discovering the me I want to be, engaging with others and trying to live a happier life.
Being able to live with my emotions, not feel alone and hopefully connecting with people where I am and want to be.
I now have hopes and dreams. I'm living in the now and looking forward to the future.
Being free to do anything, I've recently started to learn to DJ - beat matching for now, make candles and have an opinion. I'm going to learn German and French, also looking to learn how to dance which will help with my confidence and self esteem.
I now weigh 168 lbs and feel so much healthier and happier.
I have balance in my life.
My name is Del
