***edea just made my day!! such a sweetheart!

moms a dork, she just told me dad and her were talking and are thinking of charging me room and board to live here.. wtf i have lived here for 19 yrs and now theywanna be pricks to me b/c i have a part time job. fuck them theyare ruining my plans to move to ny.. i plan on moving in with this girl i worked with after the summer she just moved in the apt today.. its in upstate ny so i have to go up there during the summer and look to see where i could work and shit.. i dunno grrr

i wear my heart on my sleeve

i give too much of myself. i am a fool at heart, and hide the pain.

i am sorry and i am not. i wish things were different. i guess this is that way things are suppose to go. who knows. i know nothing anymore. i am so confused and feel my heart being torn. as i try and destroy the memories that have made me smle and feel it was okay to feel this way. i try and take the pictures off the wall but something is holding me back... my heart... my love i still hold so deep and treasure.

i am my own ruin

TRINITY



i can't look at anyone in the eyes i cant seem to hold a conversation w ith my best friend. i just hung up on her.. ugh why did i do that. god shes in vermont at school and i just told her "i can't deal with anything right now"... *click*

i am so weak right now.

my brother just tried coming in my room i told him to stay the fuck out. my voice so shakey. my mind is everywhere. i am so confused. i want more than you and it scares you..

i need to be left alone. i need time to think. but if i am alone i will ruin myself. my mind will be my ruin, and i am not ashamed. i just need to sit and think. i wil go from there afterwards. just know you are always in my heart and i will always have love for you. i would take you in a heartbeat. now or many years from now. but it was just a fun thing at the time for you?!

i am fine i swear i am okay...
i was gonna post some lyrics but i will not no.. i can't i won't damnit if you want to know whatthey are its by the juliana theory, song the hardest things.....