trinityy

~~~okay so its been awhile since i have really said anythig or done anything. i didn't sleep for two days i cried off and one for hours upon hours. i felt/feel worthless, and so shitty about myself. i hate/d myself. it has been so long since i have been in this situation it hit me hard, so unexpectedly.
~~i am watching the news with the live broadcast on baghdad, iraq. i am in so much awe. i don't know what to do i can't seem to stop watching it but i want to. i can't stand watching this or hearing them talk about war. it looks so pretty there. if only it wasn't lead by an asshole it maybe nice. all i am doing now is thinking about my cousin and wondering how he is doing out there. and where is he. ahhh i am praying he is okay and if he is over there i am praying he is cautious and stays safe and alive. i should join the army. but only way i would actually join would be if they let me do combat and after fighting with a recruiter for a half hour i walked out of his office b.c he kept telling me no.
~~my neck is hurting me it has been since saturday morning and i can barely turn without being in pain it sucks so much.
~~~heres a song...
"Ana's Song (Open Fire)"

Please die Ana
For as long as you're here we're not
You make the sound of laughter
and sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the film

And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you

And you're my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an Anorexia life

Open fire on the needs designed
On my knees for you
Open fire on my knees desires
What I need from you
Open fire on the needs designed
Open fire on my knees desires
On my knees for you
~silverchair~