trinityy

so i woke up aroud 8pmish and freaked out.. i hate waking up alone. its so cold, so dark. so alone. i try and get everything "right" in my head. its just not going the way i want it.

mom came home the other night from work and was sitting in the kitchen with my brother and . he was on the computer i was just taking up space for a bit before i went to bed. she started talking about how shsometimes wonders what i would be like to be single nd i was just sitting there hoping dad didn't wake up and hear her and start fighting. i started on her about how she would haveto pay for this bill and that and she turns around and says,," well you could hel" um i work at a grocery store part time where they give me shitty pay and shitty hours. i proceed to tel her that i wasgonna take what i needed to body pierce around here and do that.. "no your not" .. i continued to state it my life and what i want to do and i am gonna do it. "why so you can get more piercings and tattoos, no your not" well i am gonna getmore regarless of what you say.

i have taken off from home before i wouldn't hold back from doing it again. but this time i wouldn't have a place to go like i did last time=/

today she told me that she got aother credit card. so had a couple before but couldn't pay for the bill so she ended up in debt and it ended with her in my room crying as dad was yelling and her cutting them up. i ended up leaving due to me not handling that shit well with them and i came back a couple hours with a couple piercings which then turned it around to me and how i have no respect..

my manager is insisting i go to the doctors but keep on telling her i have no health insuance so she insists that she is gonna pick up the bill... we have been on this now for a couple weeks when i told her that i am starting to have kidney problems again.