trinityy

i can't think.. i feel so empty.. a big part of me is gone.. she couldn't even bring herself to leave my bed today after we talked, she just cried in my arms. i can't stop crying. i won't be hearing from her ever again. we said our last good byes today. it hurt so much. all i could do was look into her eyes the whole time. as the words in my head were saying "this is the last time you see her.. its done" but i don't want it to be.. it can't be... why does it have to be this way.. why can't i accept that the one i truely fucking care about and love with all my heart have to leave like this.. she sat there telling me that she loved me and always will.. shes been in love with me since we dated and three years later she still loves me, as do i.. but we can't be together.. go figure... its all i think about our words today.. for 3 hours of our converstation.. everything we said plays back in my head. as she tells me she loves me and her eyes start filling with tears. all i can do is whip her tears and hold her and she starts shaking and crying harder. my last words to her "your always gonna be in my heart and thoughts. not a day goes by since we first met 3 years ago have i not thought of you. if only i didn't push you so far away... i love you and always will.. you have a place wherever i am, no matter where i am, you are welcomed there.. you are my world, you always were.. i love you" then we layed on my bed holding each other crying... i feel so empty... it hurts so much. i have lost a big part of me...

i love her and always will.. and it hurts.. her not being able to leave me hurt more.. knowing she didn't want to but when it came time for me having to leave i had to have her leave.. i just wanted her to stay with me.. i didn't want to lose her again.. but i did.. she is gone and i am broken..did that kiss mean nothing?


much love
trin
xoxo

songs repeating on my computer
macy gray- i try
simple plan- i'd do anything
good charlotte- hold on
dashboard confessional- ender will save us all
janet jackson- again
12 stones- broken

UPDATE
friday i am leaving for maine til the 26 so i won't be around til the 26 or 27 depending on when i get home from mike picking me up.. everyone take care and know i will miss you all...