trekka

I am so sorry things suck so bad for you right now! *hugs* I can sort of relate to what you are going through in a way. Almost a year ago, my life completely turned upside down. At the time, I was engaged to my best friend who I had been with since I was 11 years old (if you are a nerd like me and do the math then we were together almost 18 years). However, everything was not perfect. The relationship was deteriorating in more ways than one. It was more of a friendship than a romance. There was no longer any affection and instead I got emotionally and physically abused. Due to having poor self-esteem, I was under the impression that no one else would want me, so I stayed with him because I was too afraid of ending up alone and being so old weird cat lady. On top of my romantic life turning to shit, my home life sucked as well. The whole family dynamic had been deteriorating for years, but around this time things progressively had gotten worse. Both of my parents are addicted to meth. They had not worked since I was sixteen. Basically, I was supporting them and my siblings and had been for years, since their drug habit was more important. However, the soon started to steal from me. To date, I could only estimate that the owe me well over 10,000 dollars. The house we lived in was mine. The utilities were in my name and I owned everything in the house. Since they were my parents I did not want to put them on the streets, but I was getting fed up with their crap and irresponsibility. So around April, I broke up with fiance and decided that I needed to move out away from my parents. The break up in addition to my need for independence lead to my parents starting to beat me. I was their money ticket. At this point, I had no intentions of finding another love interest and truly felt I was doomed at this point. However, in June I met the love of my life, Pezmaster. Together we tried frantically to find a place to move in together. Unfortunately, we had no luck, so to get me away from the drama, we decided to go out of town for a few days. Unfortunately, the drama only got worse once I returned home a few days later. Basically, my parents threatened to kill me in front of my current boyfriend. He refused to let me go back there and now I am living with him and his family, while we continue to look for a place of our own. You think this would solve all my problems right? Not exactly. Yes, I am not being beat now, but there are eight of this in this house. My boyfriend and I have no privacy and I now sleep on a couch and my boyfriend in a recliner. I have no belonging because I left them all behind. My family hates me and so do most of my friends back home. They only support system I have now is Pezmaster and his family. Not to mention, that my boyfriend has a four year old son. I never wanted kids, so it is a big adjustment. I do not want to be like my parents and I am scared to death I am going to end up ruining this kids life. His real mother has nothing to do with him and since I have been here for six month now, I have sort of become the mommy figure.

Anyone that knows me, is aware that I do adjust well with change. I suffer from anxiety and depression and all the new developments in my life has only increased these problems. It is a lot to deal with and yes, I take medication, but pills do not alleviate the problems you are facing. I miss things from back home. Maybe, not my family, but now I am a in rural town where I know no one and it is hard to deal with. So I completely understand how you feel about thinking you are failing in life. I never expected to be going through all this at 29. I expected to have a job, a house, and be successful. Instead, I am still in graduate school. My credit is ruined due to my parents and I have nothing to call my own. I am basically starting from scratch. Luckily, I have someone who loves me! At least that is one thing I can count on, but I constantly worrying that one thing will go wrong and I will have no where to go or anyone to go back to!

Sorry, for rambling and sharing such a long blog, but I wanted to let you know that I sympathize with you and that I truly feel that things will get better for both of us. *hugs* If you ever need to talk to someone, then feel free to shoot me a line. I know that is one good thing I am good at-"talking." I just sometimes do not take my own advice! *giggles*

Try to keep smiling and keep in touch.

max brooks is amazing. if you enjoy that, you should pick up world war Z. it's AMAZING and you will not be able to put it down.

I'm a super zombie geek, so yea.

Can't wait for may Big hugs

soooooo

Learning to play higher ground on the bass, Sarah Silverman rules in a very, very attractive way and the bullfrog hug leaves me speechless. I have no words. And then, of course, there's Trek's hiney.

love the sarah silverman huge vagina pic

Thanks, four years in and the leg is doing fine, damn things going to let me predict weather when I am old though.

Nope the lack of nudity wasn't a turnoff, I survived just fine.

I think kas would be fine getting bothered, she get's off work kinda early in the day since she works overnight so there's that. Glad you have Thana though, sounds like the hooping would be fun, I do like picturing you as a rhino trying it though, that's a pretty good visual.

Yeah, mom takes care of me when it comes to the spoiling, dad is more all about helping me figure stuff out with my car or something like that, which is great to have since I don't know shit about things like that, not by a long shot. So I got a couple good ones to come from as far as I can tell.

You Dwight most definitely is cool, and I can see why you want to keep him.

hmmmmm , are you busy tomorrow or friday afternoon?! you can come over and play farm in the front yard with me!!! lol

Cemeteries, old forts, and old lighthouses are always fun to walk around. Just thinking about what some else could have been doing there 40 or 50 or 100 years ago is fun. I think that's why I also like walking around deep in the woods, then you start thinking about if other people have even walked where you are now walking.

P.S. Screw your neighbor, dance until YOU feel like stopping.

hmmm thrift store barbie mutilation for the win

Aw man... those photos made me smile quite a bit. Hope you're smilin too.

You're very welcome. But um... in regard to your headline, is that because you have like really awesome business cards, or because you really like Huey lewis and the News?

I'm sorry hun.

Wish I could give you a great big hug! It's great you got out with the SGSAC group even though you've been feeling so low. <3

dude, i kinda love you, that is all, you are good times, glad we finally met!!!!

yes i dont think before i act, especially when drunk. (sigh) DOH!

You always look so superb and sexy

Rumble of the Diesel is my favorite song on Of Whales And Woe! You Rock!