trekka

I'm tired...

I'm so tired of life sucking. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of not knowing who I am anymore and I'm EXTRA tired of waiting around for life to get better.

So, it didn't work out with Jesse. I'm pretty over it. I think I knew deep down that he wasn't right AT ALL for me. Frankly, I need attention. And he couldn't give me that. Nor did he really give a shit about that I needed. Fuck that noise. There are better men out there.

I'm doing my best to just make myself happy these days. It's partially working....

I think what it comes down to right now is that I don't have any friends. That's not true. I have a bunch of you lovely people, but all of yo live far far away. And I have a couple friends here but one is always busy with work and the other is always busy with her husband and 3 kids. *sigh* I'm going to a church group tonight to hopefully meet some new people. How could a rebel like me make friends at a CHURCH group, you ask? Well, I started going to a new church that is very liberal and laid back and I'm hoping I can find more people like me there. lol We'll see. Doesn't hurt to try, right? I've got nothin to lose!

I've been in touch with Brando again (my ex that most of you probably remember from previous blogs, etc). We've just been catching up and stuff and it's been really really nice! But, we had talked about having coffee this week and he was too busy and had to take a rain check. One side of me thinks he's full of shit and just bailed on me, another part of me wants to believe he's legitimately too busy. I dunno. Time will tell. I'm not getting myself too excited about anything either way.

I'm not feeling too sexy lately and it's really bringing me down. I don't know if it's just cuz I'm kinda depressed or what but my confidence is SUUUUPER low at the moment. I hate when I get like this. Bleh.... I really need to start working out again but my motivation is just super non-existent. I haven't gotten fat or anything! At all! I just need to tone up a bit. I'm at like 130 lbs right now so I'm fine there. I just DO NOT feel bikini ready at all and that's pretty depressing since it's crazy hot outside already. Ughhhh.....

At least I'm feeling more confident that life is going to start getting better.... But when?! lol

*sigh*

Thanks for letting me vent. and thanks for all your support!

Instagram: zombie_kitty