trekka

Days (months) go by and still I think of you..

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I miss Brando. More than I can even put into words. He won't talk to me anymore, but I know from his sister that he has a new girlfriend. Why does it hurt so bad? It's been about 7 months since we split up. It should have stopped hurting by now, right? Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and wish I still had him by my side. I miss going to sleep to the sound of him breathing next to me. I miss spending our weekend in our jammies in our apartment, playing with our animals and watching tv snuggled on the couch. I miss that sparkle in his eye that he used to have when he looked at me. I miss the feeling of his hand intertwined with mine. I miss playing music together and singing to each other. I miss....

....HIM.

Is this pathetic????

I should be over this by now. But I'm not. I can't let go and I don't know why. I flat out fucking love him. And it is painful. I wish I knew how to make it stop.

"Just move on!" people say to me. I -am- moving on. I get up every morning and go about my daily life including work and reading to occupy myself and spending time with friends, etc etc etc... But I think about him constantly and I miss him now just as much as I did my first night without him.

How do I make this feeling stop? Tips? Anyone? And don't say I need a rebound, because I already did that and I still feel the same except maybe worse. lol

Alright. New topic!

The weather has been fantastic lately and that's one thing that has my spirits up! It was nice enough the other day for me to step out and take a few pictures of my surrounding elements.












What else is going on in my world?

Oh! My mom has been trying to talk me into going to church lately. Personally, I'd rather gouge my eye balls out with sporks, to be totally honest. She claims I'll feel better if I let "god" into my life. Absurd. I don't mean to offend any of you if you happen to believe in religion. But for someone like me, who doesn't believe in such superstitions, church would do no good. In fact, it may even have the opposite effect on me. So there's that going on, which is super dee duper!

I wrote a note for my boss last week expressing my concern with the lack of hours she was giving me. I basically said, "I love this job, and am eager to move up, but if things continue this way with me only getting 9 hours a week, I'll need to start exploring other options." The day after I left her the note, I got 4 extra hours that week and then this weeks schedule, my hours have been doubled! It's still not 30 hours a week, but it's pretty obvious now that they don't want me leaving and finding a new job. It makes me feel better to know that I am, in fact, an asset to our store.

I am, however, still looking for additional ways to make some more money. I'm exploring the idea of camming and other alternative ways of making cash online. If anyone has suggestions, by the way, I welcome them! Gotta make that money if I'm ever going to move out of my parents' house.

I'm only about 150 pages away from finishing my book, so that's something I am pretty jazzed about!


I made breakfast for dinner the other day. It looked like this and tasted like delicious


I make silly faces when I drive


I went to coffee with my dad and my uncle yesterday morning

We had a long talk about politics and about how my dad would bail me out of jail if I ever got arrested for any protest-related incidents. So that's good to know! Because I did get this


We also talked about times that my dad was arrested in protests back in 1971 in Washington DC. He warned me of how quickly things can escalate and how little police officers cared whether you were male or female, they will treat you like garbage. He gave me suggestions on what to pack in my backpack if I choose to Occupy Sacramento this week at all. The only reason I haven't yet is that I'm not comfortable driving down there. So, we'll see what happens.

All the amazing sets I've been seeing in MR lately are making me more anxious to shoot something new and give this one last try. The only thing holding me back at this moment in time is finances. I wish I could be one of those girls that staff just flies out somewhere awesome to work with a staff photographer for free, but unfortunately I'm not. I'm just some indy chick that no one pays that much attention to. LOL So, as soon as I can get some finances in order, I'm going to shoot with Silencia. In addition to being one of the most gorgeous and inspiring SGs on this site (in my humble opinion), she's an extremely talented photographer. And while she isn't a staff photographer, she has had a few sets bought. So I guess since I'm one of the more indy Hopefuls around here, it's suiting for me to shoot with a more indy photographer. I just need MONEY. haha! Money. The fucking root of all evil in my life right now. Sigh...

Well, it is time for me to get ready for work! SOrry this blog was a little scattered and random. My brain seems to be going too fast for me to organize anything before it comes out in words. lol But I hope you enjoyed it anyway!


"You stay classy, Planet Earth"

xoxox
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