everything about this song expresses the way i feel today.
the weight may be getting lighter......or i'm getting stronger
Since I didn't do blogs the last couple days, I have a couple images from kas (that she worked realllll hard on. Hehehehe!) to show how they went:
Tuesday:
pretty powerful, huh?
And here's Wednesday:
I swear, I had no idea she was stalking me and watching me do my laundry..
The funny thing is, I -actually- did laundry yesterday! Haha! However, I don't recall playing the accordion at any point...
... but then again.. yesterday was, in fact, 4/20. 
I smoked a bit yesterday, of course! Not too much, nowhere near as much as I should have probably for it being 4/20 and shit. lol
But I did have to take our poor Lucy to the vet. 
It's flea season and her little body is allergic to the fleas and their bites. So her skin has all broken out and she chewed a bunch of patches into her fur and it's just AWFUL! So, B transferred me money so that I could take her in and get her all fixed up. We ended up being there for an hour (which was absolutely absurd) and she was shaking in my lap listening to dogs cry in the back. lol She's not a HUGE fan of the vet. lol Plus, she was miserable anyway.
They gave her a shot of steroids to stop the allergic reaction in its tracks (which it DID thank god) and an internal flea med that was a little tablet that I just gave her shoved in a piece of hot dog (HAHAHA! I fed my wiener dog a wiener!) and then topical stuff too. I vacuumed the house like crazy did all the laundry. So hopefully, I killed those motherfuckers! (fleas)
on the way to the vet (poor thing has no idea)
miserable and waiting:
my snuggle buddy:
waitinggggg
The fabulous news is, she hasn't scratched herself ALLLLL day so far!
I am the flea assassin, bitchezzzzz! haha
Anyways, yesterday, Thanatogenous and I got together and celebrated the holiday a little and hooped at the park. I was stiff and kind of in a mood and I had a hard time really getting it this time. I think my mind was just somewhere else. But, I did it, I worked on a couple little easy things. But mostly... I vented. Thank you, Thana for being so patient with me and letting me vent! You are so wonderful! But I feel bad that I wasn't more into it yesterday. My sunglasses hid tears on multiple occasions.. lol at least I did it in stead of laying on my couch.
Random picture time? Me thinks yes!
Well, it's only been a couple days so I don't need to give you any kind of significant life update All is basically the same except as the days pass, I have less days to pack... which I'm not a huge fan of or anything. bleh. I did see a new therapist the other day, which was actually kinda cool. She was very warm and easy to talk to and had a couple good ideas for me. Also starting some new meds today that I am VERY hopeful about. So, that is excellent news! 
Today I am having lunch with my dad and I'm really excited about it. I don't even give a fuck where he takes me, I'm just looking forward to it. My dad has been so great through this whole mess and he's been my rock. He may be the only reason I'm still here on this earth today typing this, cuz shit has been scary in my head these days. I mean... dark and scary as fuck. lol (its not really funny, it's just all I can do is laugh at myself anymore) So, I can't wait to see my dad and talk to him about music and art and stuff and get happy.
I genuinely apologize, you guys, for being kind of a downer these few days. I try to throw some fun in my blogs so that you all aren't brought down by all my bull shit. I mean, I know that it's MY blog, and I can write about whatever I want! But, at the same time, I don't want you all to think I'm just this little emo cunt locked up in my room slitting my wrists and shit. LOL cuz that's not me and that's not what's up.
(((in fact, on that EXACT note, I haven't even cut AT ALL the last week and a half. how? I'm not sure. but I've not picked up a razor for anything but it's true and intended purpose.Go me. For now. I know it's not the end yet, so no promises. But for today, I'm happy I've been able to restrain myself. New meds should help GREATLY with that also)))
Basically what I'm getting at, is like making you guys happy, not sad. So, I hope that I can continue to make you all smile and laugh!
I hope all of you that partake in our Mother Earth's herbal remedy had an EPIC 4:20!!
I'm starting to get to a place where I see the light at the end of the tunnel and while I want to SPRINT to it, I know that slow and steady wins the race. I know I need to feel this hurt to make the happy times feel like ecstasy, so I'll do it- I'll weather this storm. I'll pace myself through this dark and seedy tunnel.
Thank you all (as always) for your love and support and I hope you all have a great day!
THE END
Xoxox
Trekkkkkkkkkkkzzzzzz
And you're not a downer at all, babe. x