treesblack

I had the weirdest dream last night/this morning.
(I just woke up so it's still fresh and I thought I'd write it down)

My Ex had come to visit me and kind of dodged having sex with me which is really odd because we only see each other about once a month and I know he's not sleeping with anyone else so normally we go at it like rabbits. Really kinky rabbits hehe.

Also on Saturday night (not in my dream) I had a really odd feeling that he had slept with someone else and he hasnt spoken to me or returned my phone calls since then. This carried over to the dream.

So in the dream I asked him if he had slept with anybody else.
He was silent and looked guilty, "About that... I did happen to run into an old friend while I was home... I'm sorry"
I was expecting it (in real life I have been expecting it for months).
"Are you ok?" he asked. And I just stood there shocked, I hadn't realised how much it would hurt to realise that it was really over. Him sleeping with someone else is the nail in the coffin, I do know that I am hanging on to nothing for absolutely no reason, but if he's not with anyone else it means that he still might want me, just not be able to be with me.

As I stood there in my dream, shocked, he gave up and yelled at me and stormed off.
So up comes his best friend (who has been replaced in my dream by someone completely different to my ex's best friend, different name and all, this guy is just some random my head produced)
"He asked me to stay with you for a while to make sure you're ok. He thinks you are going to kill yourself or do something stupid because you are by yourself" (I am currently living alone as the brother has gone overseas for 2 months)

As he is saying this he seems to get more and more upset. I am still standing there dumbfounded while tears start to silently run down my cheeks.
His voice breaks "I can't believe he did that to you, all you have ever done is love him."

Now I know people are sensitive, believe me I am one of the most sensitive people I know, but one thing I can't stand is a guy crying. Especially for NO REASON! Yes, what he had done to me sucked and I was very upset but his best friend choking up? Now that was weird. (Thank god it was just a dream).

So he took me and placed me in his car and decided to go on a road trip to all the places where me and the Ex had had a moment. The first place we met, had drinks, where he randomly showed up to surprise me (travelling more than 800kms to see me without me knowing), where we had picnics, where I went to visit him etc. Except that in this dream all of those places were in unfamiliar towns and random places in the middle of nowhere.

All the while his friend was saying how terrible it was that we were over etc etc.
Then somehow the next thing in my dream was that we were at a hotel, I was obviously drunk, as was the best friend, and I was horny. I propositioned him with a look and ended up in a very compromising position.

The tears have not stopped this entire time.
Tears running down my face he looks at me from above me and says "Do you want this?"
I nod (since talking to the ex in this dream I have no spoken or made any noise, just silently cried).
Then he says "Do you hate yourself"
I nod.
"I know you, I know you hate yourself as much as I hate myself and it's not like we have feelings for each other, we just want the pain to go away right?"
I nod.
He keeps justifying it to himself and just before anything happens my alarm goes off and I wake up.

The dream has really rattled me. I haven't been able to get onto the Ex for a few days and it's weird because we normally talk everyday.
Any thoughts? Does this mean he has slept with someone and hasn't had the guts to tell me? We both know that once he does our relationship is really over. We were never friends, we have completely seperate lives in completely seperate cities and states. We would never see each other again, there is no possibility of running into him.
But he could quite easily sleep with someone and not tell me because of this fact. We don't have mutual friends so there is no way I could find out unless he told me himself. I know he doesn't want to let go of "us" but he's still a normal guy, and has no trouble getting girls.

Anyway thats my crazy thoughts for the day.
Also if anyone could help me, I can't seem to read the FAQ's so I can't find out. How do I change the title of the journal entry once I've finished, it only ever comes up with "Sunday blog about you" etc.
Also how do I change the settings so it's in Australian time? Because it's actually Tuesday here.

Thanks.
Trees xxx