transcendence

Yes...My friend AJ and I used to hang out some in college...then I moved away for a few years and then came back...we hung out more and usually partied together...I had a crush on her before and shortly after...but she was all over the place...and then she moved away...I saw her once or thrice per year...We developed a very truthful and fun friendship...She seemed to have a man most of the time...But I guess I still have a fondness...She lives now about five hours from here and enjoys her job...

My father is FB Irish and my mother is an OK Cherokee Indian descendant so I suppose I want to get a tat with the physical rep of these two cultural worlds .... upper right arm - a blue panther or sacred fire and a Celtic emblem of some sort together....BUT I don't like needles...I have an interesting body (tanned with Irish hair as decor) as it is...we'll see...I would definitely need someone to hold my hand caressingly if I went to the tat parlor...haha

I am not a dirty guy (well I suppose I can be dirty if she really wants haha....)
sometimes sweaty cuz i run and then ride my bike to work nearly everyday...

Rambling on is one of my fortes as well....

Sounds like ur experience with the l word is fairly natural...altho to be taken for granted and realize it while in love is probably one of the worst feelings in the world....not something that can be undone...

Great convo Avei...

I feel compelled to love but I am sort of in a nebulous zone in my adult life at the moment...meaning that I am at a point where I am still wanting but am so busy with finishing this stage of pro life that I find it hard to work at finding keeping working for that tru gurl...ugh..geezus this sounds so sad...
that is not really how I am...? I guess this means that I am bachelor but look ahead to having that bond ... in bed...haha....

OK now I have gone too far in this torrid commenting....

Irish/Indian... interesting. You should so post some pics of yourself now. U can have up to 10 photo albums with 60 pics in each... so get ta uploading!

My experiences with the L word is natural. Unfortuantly even. Its amazing how much I didnt care when I was a teenager. I had no values. I was raised by a mother who only had time to make sure I had a roof over my head and food to eat while struggling with my older sister's rebellion and a step father (now ex step fater) who had a perscription drug abuse problem which lead into all other kinds of abuse. Physical, mental, emotional.
My sister got pregnant at 16, married at 17.. second kid 2 years later and now has four kids who are all 2 years apart...My older brother is a gay fashion designer/interior decorator for rich people in NY. And me... I am just me. No kids, not married, no drug problems. Just now realizing how much I didnt care or know then.. and wanting to suck it all up now and absorb it while I can. While I have the desire and ability of not being tied down.

For you not having time for a relationship.. I can completely understand. And it isent sad either I have made it so I dont have time for new relationships so I can look upon myself for a change. Instead of going from one to the next like I use to. I can reflect on my past one and work on me now. I am starting to like this alone time I have and being me! I find it hard to connect with guys in my locale. All that I have meet since my last guy are all bleh to me. lol. maybe its just me. lol
but yea.. see i cant even be a bachelorette and be intimate sexually with others.. I just dont work that way. Guys dont seem to have a problem with doing that... haha.. but I just cant and wont. So good luck with your bonds in bed, Pawhaha...
Your pretty young.. were you ever married? It sounds from your journals.. you party alot. I usually went to places on Mill Ave in Tempe when I did go out, but it wasent often. The Library was fun ( bar). A bunch of friends of mine would promote themselves at The Lucky Dragon... those were fun times.

Holy shit.. I know what you mean.... about half the chicks where I was at for halloween dressed up as "sexy" nurses... the other half were cops.
Not much originality there.
In my opnion... halloween is for people to express themselves in ways general society in "normal" days would frown upon. Youy can be whatever you want to be... what ever gets you hot, creeps you out or something you would never be in public because you would stand out. So... concluded.... in my location.. most of the chicks want to be or ARE slutty whores.. and the guys... are really truely gay and or transvestites. You cant tell me being Richard Simons for Halloween doesnt scream gay. haha

Ok, ok... im being mean... but I cant help it somtimes. No one had my cosutme. Woo!
So you were all bloody eh... where are the pictures of your night??? huh?
Where you live... having an indian jesus walk in a hispanic bar shouldnt have been out of the norm... I saw some pretty crazy shit when I lived there.

I wrote what I did because it came to head after a long time of analyzing, thinking, feeling, experiencing, ect..
Looking over the past relationships I have had and how family is and how friends are and or turn into as they grow or dont grow... I just exploded, lol. It wasent intended to be negative in any way. I just had to express what was starting to bubble up to the surface. I didnt want to lose it or forget it, and instead of keeping it private, i wanted to share it.
Personally I have done alot of changing over the past few years and even more dramatically this year. I cant help but wonder if I have a certain faith.. or hope or view point on certain things that are not widely shared. My views are challenged heavily by one particular person that I cant seem to paralell with. And that is what gets me moving lately, then add in the other factors such as family and friends and life I go on tangents.
Generally speaking however I believe I am within the love/pain balance. I spoke of waiting... and waiting in this place of balance I will but I dont know how long I will be able to stay here until I get flipped out to one side agian. which is not a bad thing really.. as I feel I can grow the best here, neutral. aware. More open. ect. blah blah, lol.
i dont know.... now Im rambling... haha.. I have had a long ass weekend. Im exghusted.

Its painful love which has no resolve.

Good night Transcendence. Sleep well.

get the tattoo
way more manly than pierced ears lol

and yes, I can be pretty antisocial( sometimes)

heh, yea welcome to my life