tragicdesire

i thought the nightmares went away i thought i was fine again but im not the nightmares are back all of a sudden every bit of them every second everything that he did to me all those years he was rapping me every lil feeling its like i can feel him on me again i cant sleep cause im afraid to im afraid to close my eyes cause i see him thier i feel him their breathing on me touching me laying on top of me so that i cant breath i smell his breath i feel his sweet on me its like im thier all over again like its happening all over again the thoughts of cutting myself to make it stop to give myself some kind of release is back i know i cant i know i cant do that again i cant start cutting myself again im stronger then that i know i am at least thats what i keep telling myself over and over again but that will only last for so long the cutting releases me its like a lil mini orgasum and for a breif time the thoughts are gone the pain is gone the feeling of hopelessness that these dreams will never stop that i will never be free of him goes away i think to myself these nightmares the fact that i still think of him still dream of him is like he still has some kind of control over me i dont want him to have that power

dont write me and tell me seek therphy seek friends that does nothing ive been thier ive done that im still thier i have a friend i can call and i do i guess i dont know i just needed to get this off my chest needed to speak i dont know