Sitting here listening to this storm slowly roll over me... still drinking coffee because it seems appropriate and I only got out of bed less than two hours ago. And it just seems like a better idea than the calculus homework I have waiting for me.
Life is so strange to me... how I really have no true control. No matter what method I use to fool myself I really have no control. I mean I have free will and the ability to try to make the best decision for myself, but that doesnt mean life will go the way I want it... or even the direction I want it to.....................
I am trying to convince my ex to come over tonight so that I can talk to her in person about some of the things I have been feeling before I decide to leave. I am not sure she is up on the idea... well she doesnt know I am going to get heavy with her, and we hang out sometimes, but she doesnt seem too keen on stopping by tonight.
Also my no sex thing did not pan out... not sure if I am going to give it another go or not... I had a girl over Saturday who I explained the situation prior to her coming over and she said that was fine but basically guilted me into sex by Sunday morning... It wasnt even good... wonder if it was because I wanted to wait it out? usually we have good chemistry... well kind of. She is definitely not into everything I am... she is just really into me. I dont even know why girls like me.... in any case a few around here really do and I like them enough just not enough to be serious with.... sex is such a driving force that so often seems to complicate things.
In other news... just watched the second boondock saints last night..... wow it sucked! WTF happened? did the original writers bail? Kind of sad...
Life is so strange to me... how I really have no true control. No matter what method I use to fool myself I really have no control. I mean I have free will and the ability to try to make the best decision for myself, but that doesnt mean life will go the way I want it... or even the direction I want it to.....................
I am trying to convince my ex to come over tonight so that I can talk to her in person about some of the things I have been feeling before I decide to leave. I am not sure she is up on the idea... well she doesnt know I am going to get heavy with her, and we hang out sometimes, but she doesnt seem too keen on stopping by tonight.
Also my no sex thing did not pan out... not sure if I am going to give it another go or not... I had a girl over Saturday who I explained the situation prior to her coming over and she said that was fine but basically guilted me into sex by Sunday morning... It wasnt even good... wonder if it was because I wanted to wait it out? usually we have good chemistry... well kind of. She is definitely not into everything I am... she is just really into me. I dont even know why girls like me.... in any case a few around here really do and I like them enough just not enough to be serious with.... sex is such a driving force that so often seems to complicate things.
In other news... just watched the second boondock saints last night..... wow it sucked! WTF happened? did the original writers bail? Kind of sad...
carnelian:
I hope it all works out. Calculus sounds like great fun!! but you dont seem all that into it huh? Exes should just be left alone maybe. My divorce is quite painless. It did take me a week to remember when it was we got married lol...
carnelian:
Oh and sex almost ALWAYS SUCKS! And much more when with someone new or with someone with whom you have a lot of build up. If I get hot just talking to someone, i NEVER have sex with them. Its best to keep the hot talk with the good mouths and the hot sex with the hot hips. i have been let down a lot. So yeah thats where Im at. I am also at the bottom of the bottle now. i may have either a trip to the liquor store or bar...need a bit more. lol