toxicvixen

so many issues... so little time...

so, i'm starting to get past the fact that this guy i was so into and who claimed was so into me basically gave me the "let's be friends" speech after a solid week of hooking up. i'm still so confused about it all though. i mean who does that?! who continuely tells someone how awesome and wonderful they are but then says "i just can't be with you like that right now." talk about screwing with my head. but thank god i don't have to see him for at least a whole week. that should at least lessen the pain of the whole situation. that is until i see him again next tuesday. i guess that's what i get for sleeping with someone so fast that i genuinely had feelings for.

so i recently have begun a "friends with benefits" situation with a good friend of mine. it's amazing how sex hasn't made our friendship at all awkward. i wish it could always be that easy. the only thing that's slightly confusing is the fact that he constantly tells me how we'd never be together in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but will however always be really good friends. and the sex is just supposed to be a really casual thing we're involved in simply for the sake that we are both anti-relationships at the moment but still want to "get some." which, i'm totally fine with all that, but the confusing part is that even though we're just having casual sex, he is perhaps one of the most gentle people i have ever been with. i mean a guy who actually cuddles afterwards? who kisses me ever so slightly after its all over? who looks so deep into my eyes its like he's trying to read my mind? who holds my hand in such a delicate and soothing way? who wraps his arms so tightly around me i swear my bones are going to break? i don't know, maybe i'm just reading way to much into it, but for a casual deal, he sure does treat me a lot like a girlfriend.

living with a ex-boyfriend can be a very weird situation. our whole relationship was weird actually. we were together for 3 years, but i don't think he ever really knew me. isn't that sad? from the beginning it was like he was more interested in me liking exactly what he liked rather than actually getting to know my interests. i mean, i know he's a musician and that's really important to him, but is it really a relationship when 98% of all your conversations revolve around music? i mean, seriously, what about my interests? even though i'm totally not in love with him anymore, is it wrong of me to be jealous that he's becoming friends with some chick that he's only known for like a week. i don't just mean, like a "hey she's cool" deal, but he's putting so much of an effort into getting to know her and what she's about. an effort that he never put into me, even while we were dating. and this really hurts, because more than anything i wanted to form a friendship with him. he seems to think i'm stupid for being hurt by this. maybe i am...

is it just me, or does anyone else think i should stay far far far away from guys?

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