Well I finally kicked the job into touch that was seriously damaging my health. The final straw came when, I was sat in the shower crying , knowing I had to spend another day in the hell of a place.
So I wrote my notice out that night, took a few days to allow it to sink in and handed my notice in on the following Friday, and never returned, not even to work my 1 months notice. I called in sick, spoke to my Dr and i was given a note to say I was too ill to work. I honestly thought that the world would be a better place if I wasnt in it anymore and I wouldnt be missed anymore. And seriously considered ending it all as it would be so much easier. But I looked at the people around me and how disappointed they would be if I took the cowards way out. The thought are there, but I very much doubt I would act upon them
I went from being one of the most confident of people to one that wouldn't leave the house. I was so used to being center of attention, I didn't want it any more. I gave up something I loved, Taekwondo. I used to be England team Captain and won numerous medals as a competitor as well as being so confident in my abilities, when I competed, I knew I was going to win, even the competitors, when they saw me, used to joke " so only the silver and bronze medals to go for now your here!" I loved it. I gave it all up due to mental illness. I was just about ready for my 6th Dan as well, and I turned that down also
Wind the clock forward a few years and I am still damaged but it is slowly getting better, very very slowly and I am doing it without meds. I think the meds were actually making me worse as I was using them as a crutch to support me.
I got heavily into Mountain biking and that is my new medication ( even if i do keep falling off :D :D :D.
The poor weather at the minute isn't helping, but the forecast is good for the foreseeable future so hopefully, I will get out more. The upside of the last year are that I lost over 2 stone in weight, the weight I gained, eating too much ( comfort eating), drinking too much, I dont think I was ever seen without a drink in my hand and poor exercise regime, from someone that used to pride in his fitness.
I lost over 2st,got down to my target weight of under 12st from 14st 5lb. I also got my resting heart rate down from mid 80s to upper 50s. I gained about half a stone over Christmas, overindulging, but hey, its Christmas right;) Once the weather breaks and Spring kicks in full time, the bikes ( plural) will come back out and the peddling will commence.
Thanks for reading xx