toxickiss

Ok well..while Ive been gone me and the bf broke up. Yea it was my fault and yea Im stupid but yea Im still lving and his house and we're still having "relations". Went to Florida, had a somewhat decent time..wish it was Cali instead of FL but at least I got to see my mom and my brother and a girl Ive known for about 10 years. My cousin wants me to move with her to San Diego at the end of the summer and its soooo damn tempting. I want to leave Dirty Jersey like a mother effer but Im scared at the same time. I feel like Im unprepared to leave. Plus Im in school and got a grant so its paid and all that shit.
Im sick of staying at the ex's house though. His brother and his friends suck, theyre pretty much losers with no direction in life. I mean yea Im loser but I work 2 jobs and am TRYING to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I want to get into music or something of that nature...but in that industry it seems you need to know the right people and my shyness just wont work. But I want to do something I enjoy damn it! I REFUSE to work one of those jobs where youre overworked and underpaid, and its just physically and emotionally draining.
But I dont know what Im good at...which kind of contributes to the whole not knowing what the hell to do with life thing. Maybe if I left here and went somewhere new Id get some new ideas and opportunities and shite. I just feel like I lost myself or rather a part of myself and dont know where to find it. I HATE feeling that way. I cant look how I want bc of work and ahh I dunno. Now Im complaining and complaining sucks...but I like venting on here since no one really reads it. heh.
I just need a good friend or something and I need to have some damn fun...yea.

P.S. this pic of me sucks I need to take a new one being that that one is kind of old.