tosslink

I talked with an old friend tonight. My friend Ronda... she is selling off tons of stuff that she has collected over the last twenty years or so. What an amazing collector ... she is going to clean up in a few auctions! It was soooo good to just get to talk to her again. I've known her for twenty years+ but we lost touch for a while. That was MY fault.She has been widowed for four years now,and her husband (JEFFRY) was one of the best friends I ever had. Jeff helped me when I needed a friend and I tried to do the same for him... In the end I was one of his pallbearers.... IT was MY HONOR to be there for THAT. Even when he was alive, Ronda and I talked on the phone more than he and I did. Jeff and I did our talking in real life,like guys DO... He KNEW I loved him and I knew the same.... things between brothers don't HAVE to be said. Jeffrey was always there for me,no matter what... and he knew Ronda and I were good,close friends too. A coupla years after he died, Ronda and I really started talking again, but I felt guilty about it because I felt so much for her and my friend was gone. Jeffrey was NOT a Prince, but he WAS a GOOD man, and a GOOD friend.The first time Ronda and I kissed, I felt his ghost over my shoulder...but I know he wasn't there... This went on for a while but I just could not get rid of his shade . I loved him. I LOVE HER. I dissapointed her badly despite honest conversations about this. I have dissapointed her too much. Frankly, I'd rather DIE than hurt her again... I doubt I deserve her... Here I am at 38. here SHE is at 46, Ya know.... I'd give ANYTHING ...ANYTHING for this one thing in my life to work out... Ronda is worth sooooo much , she is worth a better man than I AM!