fucking hell...
so it seems like my job isn't working out was well as expected. whatever. i put in for a transfer anyways, so fuck them all...
i've been reading this book called 'hunger' by knut hamsun. i think it's the most depressing thing i've ever read. the story centers around a starving writer and his plight in the 1890s in germany. i mean, this fucker is STARVING. it's really sad. it's made me really reflect upon my own life... being as that i've been too close to where the writer is. i'm nowhere close to being where i wanted to be at my age. in fact, i've become the one thing i feared i would be the most. needless to say, i'm not very happy about my realization. i can't live like this anymore. i've got to do something, like fucking now. i've got to get where i need to be, with who i need to be with and get my ass to work. i'd rather die than continue living like this....
so it seems like my job isn't working out was well as expected. whatever. i put in for a transfer anyways, so fuck them all...
i've been reading this book called 'hunger' by knut hamsun. i think it's the most depressing thing i've ever read. the story centers around a starving writer and his plight in the 1890s in germany. i mean, this fucker is STARVING. it's really sad. it's made me really reflect upon my own life... being as that i've been too close to where the writer is. i'm nowhere close to being where i wanted to be at my age. in fact, i've become the one thing i feared i would be the most. needless to say, i'm not very happy about my realization. i can't live like this anymore. i've got to do something, like fucking now. i've got to get where i need to be, with who i need to be with and get my ass to work. i'd rather die than continue living like this....
I hate to come to your journal and see how miserable you are, it pains me to no end. You keep saying this isnt where you thought you'd be at this age ... but circumstances have prevented that from happening and its NOT YOUR FAULT, so stop dwelling on that and look towards the future and what THAT holds for you ... *us*. Think abt what we dreamed abt ... here at this desk Im typing at right now. Think abt all those dreams that could come true ... within the next few months, even! It can happen, and it will. Focus on that and stop thinking abt what cannot change, it will only beat yourself up and do absolutely NOTHING good.
We learn from our mistakes, baby. You've got uber strength or else I wouldnt have chosen YOU as my soul mate. Use that strength to push forward and your attitude to just say "fuck em". Just ... FUCK THAT OTHER BULLSHIT.
I love you. And you've got something that a LOT of other ppl in this world would kill for ... if killing would get them what it is they want, but it wont. YOU'VE GOT THAT and its real, and nothing can change that or take it away from you. You're upset because of MONEY? Who cares abt MONEY, you can steal it, earn it, find it on the ground walking along one day ... who CARES abt THAT? You've got something a LOT more precious than money ...