It's decided. I'm going to S.F., as planned before the great boyfriend makeover, and it's feeling like the right decision. I'm living in ambivalence right now, and I'd like to stay connected to myself as much as possible. It's amazing how much I go between two very solid decisions within a day. Half the time I know exactly what I want. The other half I...
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Pretzels and chocolate pudding for breakfast. Dr. Pepper to wash it all down. Yum yum. Trying to decide what to do for New Year's. Quiet evening with someone I love? Big ass party with all my friends? Weekend campout with wonderful people I don't see nearly enough? All of the above? And meanwhile, trying to stay in the moment, stay true to myself, stay honest...
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seether:
Sounds like good things are in store for the torquemeister...
I'm in Germany now, in the care of my Schatz...
I wish you the best, and have a very warm and cuddly new years... I would opt for the spending time with someone you love option.
Bis gleich
-Ssssssssssssssssss
I'm in Germany now, in the care of my Schatz...
I wish you the best, and have a very warm and cuddly new years... I would opt for the spending time with someone you love option.
Bis gleich
-Ssssssssssssssssss
Another Monday. Meaning lots of caffeine, yesterday's clothes, Saturday's hair, someone else's sweater. I think Mondays are to me what Sundays are meant to be - the throw-away day. But.
The weekend was a success. Masquerade Ball went off without a hitch, though the presence of fractal and seether was sorely missed. There were lots of beautiful people in beautiful masks, a human menorah dance,...
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The weekend was a success. Masquerade Ball went off without a hitch, though the presence of fractal and seether was sorely missed. There were lots of beautiful people in beautiful masks, a human menorah dance,...
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tracyramone:
new corsets always make my day too!
seether:
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhh!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Shall the new year bring you bountiful giggles and warm cozy nights.
Frieden, Liebe und Pfannkuchen!
-Ssssssssssssssss
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhh!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Shall the new year bring you bountiful giggles and warm cozy nights.
Frieden, Liebe und Pfannkuchen!
-Ssssssssssssssss
Oh good. I have permission to be positive. That means I can focus on all the things I'm happy about right now, which is the way I've decided to shift my focus from what I'm not happy about. So here goes:
tonight I get to play with my friends, who are wonderful, in a (relatively) new environment
i have great, supportive friends
i feel centered...
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tonight I get to play with my friends, who are wonderful, in a (relatively) new environment
i have great, supportive friends
i feel centered...
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seether:
I am so broken today mentally and physically, I'm not sure if I'll make it up to SB tonight for the party 
I need to detoxify and abstain from libations for a while
I need to detoxify and abstain from libations for a while
I think I've finally recovered from Santa madness, though I'm about to enter another weekend of drinking, debauchery and possible drama. We're having another Clan Destino party, the masquerade ball, and I'm a little nervous about my liver, and my emotional health. It was nice to get away last weekend ... spend some time with red furry friends, get a little perspective. Amazing how small...
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studentochaos:
Your more then welcome to be this positive, in fact please do. Hell, I see alot of positivity on this site. My thinking is that once people hit adult ages the goth and punk mentality is more of a style then a personal reflection of being morose. Huummm..then again this site is people thinking the style is hot, not just those living that way. In either case, enjoy your debauchery! 
seether:
Yes, I will come out and play with all the beautiful girls, how could I possibly resist? and yes I am missing a Santa boot cover
Ho ho ho... merry flocking christmas
-Ssssssssssss
Ho ho ho... merry flocking christmas
-Ssssssssssss
Another Friday. Another story to write. Another morning whiled away with email checking and web page designing (yes, I'm trying to create my own.) And thinking about this weekend, and santa suits, and how not to let my mind wander to places I'd rather it not go ...
Feeling hopeful. Sad. Anxious. Confused. Loved. Tired. And it's too fucking cold here. Who said it could...
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Feeling hopeful. Sad. Anxious. Confused. Loved. Tired. And it's too fucking cold here. Who said it could...
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seether:
Uh, Houston, we have a problem...
Torque needs to get out soonish.
Chin up
-Sssssssssss
Torque needs to get out soonish.
Chin up
-Sssssssssss
fractal:
you should come play at my house with me. we can have a bitch fest together. i need one...
Just realized in yesterday's entry, I made it sound like it was the Buffy episode that was making me so sad. It's actually the break-up with the boy, but the soundtrack to the break-up (in my head) is the song from Buffy. All tragic and heart-wrenching. I'm feeling much better today - a good night last night, hanging out, being friends - something we were...
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torque:
Ahhhh...the Nine Inch Nails break-up. I had one of those. My first love, actually. I copied lyrics from Pretty Hate Machine into my journal. Years later, I had a break-up to the tune of the Fragile album. Sometimes it's helpful to evoke feelings I'm trying to suppress. Sometimes it drives me deeper into depression. Sometimes it makes me aware of my own melodramatic tendencies. Almost always makes me wonder why Trent Reznor has yet to get therapy, and what would happen to his music if he did.
seether:
Music is a great catalyst for me, I use it as an accelerant of pain and joy Theres nothing better then being REALLY down and listening to that perfect track that encapsulates your feelings completely It enhances the pain, and as a side effect, resets the relative scale of suffering. I always feel much better afterwards.
Music does the same thing for me with elation, but fortunately I dont feel like shit afterwards But I do crave more
Oh shit, another vice.
-Ssssssssss
Music does the same thing for me with elation, but fortunately I dont feel like shit afterwards But I do crave more
Oh shit, another vice.
-Ssssssssss
The theme from Buffy, Season 2, last episode, keeps running through my head. You know, the sad one, when Buffy shoves the sword through good-again Angel? Over and over in my mind ... this is so sad ... I've never cried so much. Which is good, because when there aren't tears, there's numbness. But it's so strange ...
fractal:
*sigh*
I miss the Buffy...Prom made me cry too...but I cry at all of them.
I miss the Buffy...Prom made me cry too...but I cry at all of them.
I've made my national magazine debut! I have an essay in this month's issue of BUST magazine, on page 66 of the "Declarations of Independence" section. So you might want to talk to me now, before I'm famous and have a publicist doing these journal updates for me ...
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studentochaos:
Nice work. I constantly fight to get my work published, you totally kicked my ass on this one. However, my stuff is much less liberating and much more controversial. I had never heard of BUST before. While the webstie gave me a mild seizure I have to say the declaration of Independence idea is bad ass. Glad to hear your free.
However, my stuff is much less liberating and much more controversial. I had never heard of BUST before. While the webstie gave me a mild seizure I have to say the declaration of Independence idea is bad ass. Glad to hear your free.
seether:
I'll pick up a copy and give it a read, maybe exposure to uncensored female perspecive will help me figure out my conflicting views of women.
I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, perhaps it's because my father was always gone working long hours, and I was primarily raised by three sisters and my mother.
-Ssssssssssssssssss
I'm stuck somewhere in the middle, perhaps it's because my father was always gone working long hours, and I was primarily raised by three sisters and my mother.
-Ssssssssssssssssss
Yeah yeah yeah, I know it's been awhile. But here I am, back on the site, obsessively looking at billions of sets until I can hardly remember who's who to put in my favorites. This whole process is so fascinating - sometimes I look at the pictures for the fashion or hair. Sometimes to see what someone who calls herself "Scarlett" or "Aries" would look...
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studentochaos:
No problem at all. I am complimented actually. Well, off to try and get a big deal job contract thing. Hope chance favors both of us today.
seether:
Sorry to hear things are in flux with you right now, I hope it ends up reinvention for the better... I love you both!
And of course Ill come up to visit!
I just overexerted myself a little too much during my first week in LA, and the girls are also a lot more predatory here then Im used to. It was an eye opener and I think I was the deer in the headlights
Im in the process of reinvention too; Barbarella is the most important thing, but everything else is up for grabs. Part of the reinvention is making myself worthy of joining the ranks of your clan This means losing the gut, becoming one with the drum and learning how to coax fire to perform to my rhythmic whims.
Not an easy task, but I must start somewhere.
And of course Ill come up to visit!
I just overexerted myself a little too much during my first week in LA, and the girls are also a lot more predatory here then Im used to. It was an eye opener and I think I was the deer in the headlights
Im in the process of reinvention too; Barbarella is the most important thing, but everything else is up for grabs. Part of the reinvention is making myself worthy of joining the ranks of your clan This means losing the gut, becoming one with the drum and learning how to coax fire to perform to my rhythmic whims.
Not an easy task, but I must start somewhere.
As for the Black and White life, I do that myself. I would say infamously so. My old friends have know totally different people as me over the years because I tend to do that. It keeps things dramatic. I say I dont want that but I seem to move toward it. Mine have gone pretty well though only because I make my life alteration and live it out for years at a time. The shortest being one year. I hope your therapist can help better then I. If it was up to me I would probably recommend theraputic S&M or getting a piercing as they seem to work for me.
As for changing life beyond this day, I agree any day is made for changes but today may just be a good day to start thinking about it. Change is hard because we fear possiblity but when your already changing the calander why not something else. The real mistake is making this the only time for change rather then just one more day off work.