Another long and lovely weekend, but this one with slightly less Monday morning pain than the last. A Friday night of yummy girliness, a Saturday of giggling and writing, a Sunday or yummy boy/girl-iness. And the usual Monday afternoon self-awareness hour. Love it. Now I just have to remember to drink water (stave off those ouch-ouch-ouch headaches that remind me of Wednesday afternoon at Burning...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
seether:
Uh. you coming back or what???? This is my fourth post in your journal... I hope all is well, and you are just too busy to write 
-Ssssssssssss
-Ssssssssssss
torque:
i'm here! i'm here! but yes, i've been busy. and having life events i'm not sure i want to talk about to strangers. not that you, my dear seether, are stranger. on the contrary. how are you?
So my friends and I came to the burlesque show with Fractal and all we got was a get-out-of-line-free pass.
Where was our red carpet? The celebrity photographers? The free drinks? (Oh wait ... we got some of those ... )
What good is being friends with a porn star if you don't get some perks out of it? This place sucks.
Where was our red carpet? The celebrity photographers? The free drinks? (Oh wait ... we got some of those ... )
What good is being friends with a porn star if you don't get some perks out of it? This place sucks.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
seether:
Oh... I want to come out and play... 
Haha... but sometimes it's fun being untouchable.
-Sssssssssss
Haha... but sometimes it's fun being untouchable.
-Sssssssssss
studentochaos:
Thanks for the comment. I had an apt with a girl in Detroit for two years a while back and it was wonderful. Both of us were criminals and disreputatble types. (There is something very sexy about a girl in a black tight body suit with a combat knife in her teeth do a back flip into a tree.) We used to live CRAZY nights and spend the days curled up together so happy for each passing moment of quiet. Eventually she betrayed me though and I had a long hard homeless time after that. (Notably it led me to working for the government for the homeland security dept......)
The happy memories of those days I think got me invovled in this last girl too fast and too hard. This latest girl was fun and good looking, but in the end lacked the emotional maturity I need out of someone I date. Her hitting on my roommate really was more related to deep depression then actual attraction and I just wasnt going to wait for her to get her shit figured out. I am not here to save the people I date.
As for what I study, I have alot of majors........ I am getting BAs in International Relations (minor in international economics), Chinese Literature (with a second major attached to this degree in philosophy). I am also getting an education certificate and graduating with honors, two internships, one TAship, three study abroads, and two years as a RA. Therefore, the reference to chaos is both literal and figurative.
So what am I doing with all these degrees? Every government office and lots of businesses are offering me alot of money..... I plan to move to the West coast where I hear the girls are pretty and start using my bounty hunting license (I needed quick money once...) and get a private eye degree. I figure if I am in San Fran I can keep my chinese language skills in working order and all the sun will do good for my pale skin.
I am an adventuror. I work for no one. I have survived for years on nothing and I dont see how my capacity to make money should change my feelings on living a very spartan existance.
As for your experiences with the burlesque show.... I agree this community is easily divided into two broad categories. People who see this as porn and people who see this as erotica.
I think you and I fall into the erotica group. I find the pictures artful and deeply tastful. I am comfortable with the human body and feel that as a mature adult I can sit back and appreciate beauty BOTH as sexual and non-sexual. Not everyone works like that. I think this statement applies to the suicidegirls as well. Some of the shoots feel like well photographed porn. Some really seem to have personality and demostrate a distinct sense of self concept which is amazing.
Though being friends with a porn star can be fun....
Sorry for the long post.
The happy memories of those days I think got me invovled in this last girl too fast and too hard. This latest girl was fun and good looking, but in the end lacked the emotional maturity I need out of someone I date. Her hitting on my roommate really was more related to deep depression then actual attraction and I just wasnt going to wait for her to get her shit figured out. I am not here to save the people I date.
As for what I study, I have alot of majors........ I am getting BAs in International Relations (minor in international economics), Chinese Literature (with a second major attached to this degree in philosophy). I am also getting an education certificate and graduating with honors, two internships, one TAship, three study abroads, and two years as a RA. Therefore, the reference to chaos is both literal and figurative.
So what am I doing with all these degrees? Every government office and lots of businesses are offering me alot of money..... I plan to move to the West coast where I hear the girls are pretty and start using my bounty hunting license (I needed quick money once...) and get a private eye degree. I figure if I am in San Fran I can keep my chinese language skills in working order and all the sun will do good for my pale skin.
I am an adventuror. I work for no one. I have survived for years on nothing and I dont see how my capacity to make money should change my feelings on living a very spartan existance.
As for your experiences with the burlesque show.... I agree this community is easily divided into two broad categories. People who see this as porn and people who see this as erotica.
I think you and I fall into the erotica group. I find the pictures artful and deeply tastful. I am comfortable with the human body and feel that as a mature adult I can sit back and appreciate beauty BOTH as sexual and non-sexual. Not everyone works like that. I think this statement applies to the suicidegirls as well. Some of the shoots feel like well photographed porn. Some really seem to have personality and demostrate a distinct sense of self concept which is amazing.
Though being friends with a porn star can be fun....
Sorry for the long post.
Went to the burlesque show. Not sure what to say about it. Interesting, enlightening, I had no idea what this community is really about. Seems that there are several different factions of SG people - some I identify with on some level and some not at all. And all of it ... is this different than 80's hair-metal videos with girls in wet t-shirts dancing...
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seether:
We need to hang out, you are posting to SG way to frequently now... something must be wrong!
Sad to have missed the burlesque show, although my hormones can use the break... Sometimes it really sucks being a guy..
The one night I got to party in Germany, I had to be carried home by Barbara and Luka's boyfriend... ouch... but I was laughing hysterically the whole time.
-Sssssssssssss
Sad to have missed the burlesque show, although my hormones can use the break... Sometimes it really sucks being a guy..
The one night I got to party in Germany, I had to be carried home by Barbara and Luka's boyfriend... ouch... but I was laughing hysterically the whole time.
-Sssssssssssss
I'm so tired of being attacked and punished for being who I am, seeking what I need, expressing myself as comes natural to me. Sometimes I don't know how to make space for myself that's big enough to breathe in, small enough to feel comforting, welcome enough for other people to share with me but solitary enough that I can be strong in myself. I...
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A quiz I got from my sister. Didn't want to bombard Friendster bulletin boards with it, but thought it should go somewhere. It's kinda fun. Oh yeah. The idea is to copy it, put in your own answers and then send it to other people. Below is the quiz with my answers filled in:
------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: twice....
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------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: twice....
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
fractal:
yo biatch - burlesque, sat night, LA. lez do it. give a nigga a shout out.
fractal:
------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------*
* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: too many times
* Put a body part on fire for amusement: you know the answer to this one
* Been hurt emotionally: duh
* Kept a secret from everyone:I've got a few...
* Had an imaginary friend: you mean one that only I can see? yhea...still do.
* Wanted to hook up with a friend: yes
* Had a crush on a teacher: not so much as a crush, but he rocked it.
* Ever thought an animated character was hot? oh hellz yhea! I'd stick it right in Ariel's...
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: Hangin' Tough
*Been on stage: sure, but never to perform.
---------Favorites------------------*
Shampoo: errr...
Soap: err...
Color: red, burgendy, black
* Day/Night: hmm...
Summer/Winter: summer
Lace or satin: satin
* Fave cartoon Characters: can't think of any at the moment...
* Fave Food: I'm on a popcorn and kettle corn kick at the moment. I am currently making my keyboard greasy from them.
Fave Movie: see profile...
* Fave Ice Cream: B & J Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch
* Fave Subject: null
Fave drink: juice
Fave Persons to talk to online: ami
* Fave Word: rad. just cause it's so obnixious. and i"m a big fan of Neato.
-RIGHT NOW----------*
Wearing: white tube socks, old camo jammie pants that have a hole in the crotch, a fitted black ribbed v-neck sweater, black push up bra, and my glasses.
Hair is: performing a mutany.
* Eating: kettle corn
* Drinking: I just swallowed my own saliva
* Thinking : err...
* Listening to: Danny and Dov talking on the porch
* Talking 2: you. well, your journal at least
-----------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------*
Cried: should have
* Worn a skirt: nope. but I thought about it.
* Met someone New: yes
Cleaned your room: my house is fucking sparkly. I did it Sat though
* Drove a car: oh god no
-----------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------
* Yourself: sometimes
Your friends: some
* Santa Claus: yhea
* Tooth Fairy: um...sure?
Destiny/Fate: its like one of those choose your own adventure novels
* Angels: yes
* Ghosts: yes
UFO's: yes
--------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------*
Like anyone? yhea, but not many
* Who have u known the longest of your friends? I grew up next to someone, but I don't really ever talk to him anymore
Who's the shyest: me?
* Who's the weirdest: Danny
* Who do you go to for advice: Mom.
* Who do you cry to ?: Mom
* When did you cry the most? nervous breakdown 2002
* Best feeling in the world: that feeling of infinty you get when you're 16
* Worst Feeling: hopelessness - have to agree with you there
* Who sent this 2u: you
* Ever been so drunk you blacked out: too many times
* Put a body part on fire for amusement: you know the answer to this one
* Been hurt emotionally: duh
* Kept a secret from everyone:I've got a few...
* Had an imaginary friend: you mean one that only I can see? yhea...still do.
* Wanted to hook up with a friend: yes
* Had a crush on a teacher: not so much as a crush, but he rocked it.
* Ever thought an animated character was hot? oh hellz yhea! I'd stick it right in Ariel's...
* Had a New Kids on the Block tape: Hangin' Tough
*Been on stage: sure, but never to perform.
---------Favorites------------------*
Shampoo: errr...
Soap: err...
Color: red, burgendy, black
* Day/Night: hmm...
Summer/Winter: summer
Lace or satin: satin
* Fave cartoon Characters: can't think of any at the moment...
* Fave Food: I'm on a popcorn and kettle corn kick at the moment. I am currently making my keyboard greasy from them.
Fave Movie: see profile...
* Fave Ice Cream: B & J Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch
* Fave Subject: null
Fave drink: juice
Fave Persons to talk to online: ami
* Fave Word: rad. just cause it's so obnixious. and i"m a big fan of Neato.
-RIGHT NOW----------*
Wearing: white tube socks, old camo jammie pants that have a hole in the crotch, a fitted black ribbed v-neck sweater, black push up bra, and my glasses.
Hair is: performing a mutany.
* Eating: kettle corn
* Drinking: I just swallowed my own saliva
* Thinking : err...
* Listening to: Danny and Dov talking on the porch
* Talking 2: you. well, your journal at least
-----------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------*
Cried: should have
* Worn a skirt: nope. but I thought about it.
* Met someone New: yes
Cleaned your room: my house is fucking sparkly. I did it Sat though
* Drove a car: oh god no
-----------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------
* Yourself: sometimes
Your friends: some
* Santa Claus: yhea
* Tooth Fairy: um...sure?
Destiny/Fate: its like one of those choose your own adventure novels
* Angels: yes
* Ghosts: yes
UFO's: yes
--------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------*
Like anyone? yhea, but not many
* Who have u known the longest of your friends? I grew up next to someone, but I don't really ever talk to him anymore
Who's the shyest: me?
* Who's the weirdest: Danny
* Who do you go to for advice: Mom.
* Who do you cry to ?: Mom
* When did you cry the most? nervous breakdown 2002
* Best feeling in the world: that feeling of infinty you get when you're 16
* Worst Feeling: hopelessness - have to agree with you there
* Who sent this 2u: you
It's decided. I'm going to S.F., as planned before the great boyfriend makeover, and it's feeling like the right decision. I'm living in ambivalence right now, and I'd like to stay connected to myself as much as possible. It's amazing how much I go between two very solid decisions within a day. Half the time I know exactly what I want. The other half I...
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studentochaos:
Good work not quitting. You have my full support.
As for the Black and White life, I do that myself. I would say infamously so. My old friends have know totally different people as me over the years because I tend to do that. It keeps things dramatic. I say I dont want that but I seem to move toward it. Mine have gone pretty well though only because I make my life alteration and live it out for years at a time. The shortest being one year. I hope your therapist can help better then I. If it was up to me I would probably recommend theraputic S&M or getting a piercing as they seem to work for me.
As for changing life beyond this day, I agree any day is made for changes but today may just be a good day to start thinking about it. Change is hard because we fear possiblity but when your already changing the calander why not something else. The real mistake is making this the only time for change rather then just one more day off work.
As for the Black and White life, I do that myself. I would say infamously so. My old friends have know totally different people as me over the years because I tend to do that. It keeps things dramatic. I say I dont want that but I seem to move toward it. Mine have gone pretty well though only because I make my life alteration and live it out for years at a time. The shortest being one year. I hope your therapist can help better then I. If it was up to me I would probably recommend theraputic S&M or getting a piercing as they seem to work for me.
As for changing life beyond this day, I agree any day is made for changes but today may just be a good day to start thinking about it. Change is hard because we fear possiblity but when your already changing the calander why not something else. The real mistake is making this the only time for change rather then just one more day off work.
Pretzels and chocolate pudding for breakfast. Dr. Pepper to wash it all down. Yum yum. Trying to decide what to do for New Year's. Quiet evening with someone I love? Big ass party with all my friends? Weekend campout with wonderful people I don't see nearly enough? All of the above? And meanwhile, trying to stay in the moment, stay true to myself, stay honest...
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seether:
Sounds like good things are in store for the torquemeister...
I'm in Germany now, in the care of my Schatz...
I wish you the best, and have a very warm and cuddly new years... I would opt for the spending time with someone you love option.
Bis gleich
-Ssssssssssssssssss
I'm in Germany now, in the care of my Schatz...
I wish you the best, and have a very warm and cuddly new years... I would opt for the spending time with someone you love option.
Bis gleich
-Ssssssssssssssssss
Another Monday. Meaning lots of caffeine, yesterday's clothes, Saturday's hair, someone else's sweater. I think Mondays are to me what Sundays are meant to be - the throw-away day. But.
The weekend was a success. Masquerade Ball went off without a hitch, though the presence of fractal and seether was sorely missed. There were lots of beautiful people in beautiful masks, a human menorah dance,...
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The weekend was a success. Masquerade Ball went off without a hitch, though the presence of fractal and seether was sorely missed. There were lots of beautiful people in beautiful masks, a human menorah dance,...
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
tracyramone:
new corsets always make my day too!
seether:
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhh!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Shall the new year bring you bountiful giggles and warm cozy nights.
Frieden, Liebe und Pfannkuchen!
-Ssssssssssssssss
Muuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaahhhh!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Shall the new year bring you bountiful giggles and warm cozy nights.
Frieden, Liebe und Pfannkuchen!
-Ssssssssssssssss
Oh good. I have permission to be positive. That means I can focus on all the things I'm happy about right now, which is the way I've decided to shift my focus from what I'm not happy about. So here goes:
tonight I get to play with my friends, who are wonderful, in a (relatively) new environment
i have great, supportive friends
i feel centered...
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tonight I get to play with my friends, who are wonderful, in a (relatively) new environment
i have great, supportive friends
i feel centered...
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seether:
I am so broken today mentally and physically, I'm not sure if I'll make it up to SB tonight for the party
I need to detoxify and abstain from libations for a while
I need to detoxify and abstain from libations for a while
I think I've finally recovered from Santa madness, though I'm about to enter another weekend of drinking, debauchery and possible drama. We're having another Clan Destino party, the masquerade ball, and I'm a little nervous about my liver, and my emotional health. It was nice to get away last weekend ... spend some time with red furry friends, get a little perspective. Amazing how small...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
studentochaos:
Your more then welcome to be this positive, in fact please do. Hell, I see alot of positivity on this site. My thinking is that once people hit adult ages the goth and punk mentality is more of a style then a personal reflection of being morose. Huummm..then again this site is people thinking the style is hot, not just those living that way. In either case, enjoy your debauchery!
seether:
Yes, I will come out and play with all the beautiful girls, how could I possibly resist? and yes I am missing a Santa boot cover
Ho ho ho... merry flocking christmas
-Ssssssssssss
Ho ho ho... merry flocking christmas
-Ssssssssssss
Another Friday. Another story to write. Another morning whiled away with email checking and web page designing (yes, I'm trying to create my own.) And thinking about this weekend, and santa suits, and how not to let my mind wander to places I'd rather it not go ...
Feeling hopeful. Sad. Anxious. Confused. Loved. Tired. And it's too fucking cold here. Who said it could...
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Feeling hopeful. Sad. Anxious. Confused. Loved. Tired. And it's too fucking cold here. Who said it could...
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seether:
Uh, Houston, we have a problem...
Torque needs to get out soonish.
Chin up
-Sssssssssss
Torque needs to get out soonish.
Chin up
-Sssssssssss
fractal:
you should come play at my house with me. we can have a bitch fest together. i need one...