torontokillsme

so i saw the doc today and he recommended i start taking a medication for the depression i've been dealing with. the danger with the depression is that it could trigger serious self medicating and i can't have that, not while i'm holding life together quite well. he recommended a low dose of something called Cymbalta, an SSNRI, selective serotonin and norephiniprine reuptake inhibitor. sounds like a party. won't be even close to some of the stuff i'd bump before rocking warehouses during my dj years, the years i probably scrambled my brain chemistry quite good. my take on it is that a few doses of clean mdma and some love in's are probably the cure, but i'll give it a go for a couple of weeks and see how i feel. doc said it should help with energy and that's something i need, to get myself into the gym and not crash out every chance i get. i miss my enthusiasm. its the environmental crap, working hard, no plans for any time off until well into the fall, keeping romantically quiet. a guys got to look forward to something. something. i look forward to burning off these 20 pounds and getting my firm back. i want to sweat. breathe and steam. full on.

i want this guy back as much of a derk as he was he was happy and didn't care what anyone thought: