Friday Jun 25, 2004

0
I channeled all of my pent up worry and waiting on someone else to show up emotionally into words last night. i wrote a short story that i'm sure will show itself to be utter pith, but it's the exercise that my mind needs, to flex my brain that seems to atrophy with each passing day. i want to write for a living, i want so much to be inspired and disciplined... the thought of submitting a story or a manuscript makes me feel sick with envy of others who actually get paid for it.


i am going to a show tonight, a simply brilliant band, with some of my favorite people. you have to admire a band that uses words that most people would have to look up...it makes me happy to hear "indolent" , "ballustrade" and "courtesan"....in a song (sigh). if only any one in the band was eye candy, that would do me in. guess my heart forever will be locked on tori...it's funny how someone you find attractive actually seems more attractive as they age.. or maybe it's that you develop a new appreciation for their newly emerging facets?



i'm not just killing time, or making excuses, i can't force someone's hand that keeps it in their pocket, can i? patience wears me thin, the thought of not getting resolution sets my teeth on edge and makes my heart feel battered, disproportionately large, in all the emotions it gets...why is it that after you've said the unthinkable, did the most horrible thing you could have done, that you realize what you wish you would have done is what you wanted to do...not reacting, not coping... just being. guess i'll reap what i've sown... but i never meant to throw the seeds. i guess her indifference is watering them, now.



There was something
about the handwriting
that made me keep
every scrap, something
about the way the eyes
looked away at the last
i've kept something burning
on the 'sill real low
but now i don't know....

-sarah harmer


so that's me, done for today. have a good weekend lovlies kiss

addendum as requested:
If there is one person you can't stop thinking about post this sentence in your journal.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
trixel:
I'm practicing too, admittedly not that intently. I hope one day to submit something.

I know what you mean about words getting you hot. I've had some quite delightful moments with a writer involving only words. In fact, I'd venture to say more satisfying than some of my face to face encounters.

all of your "gets me hot" section i just want to give an amen to, save one: I love somewhat unnatural scents, in the sense that a clean, lightly soapy smelling body makes me weak in the knees.

I like that smell too. I love smells. Smells and sounds are wired directly to the core of me. Often I can describe a situation most effectively with a remembered scent.

I keep meaning to buy some Sarah Harmer. She's Canadian and I should support her.

I hope you are having a good weekend, dear girl. robot kiss
cellosoul:
Ah...sigh...Tori Amos...that's all I can say. Trying to say more would get in the way of your well-phrased sentiments. Keep on expressing yourself, girl.

wuv
s

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