For those of you who dont know, Ive moved back home for the summer. I havent lived in my childhood home since I moved out at 17 (with much bitterness and no monetary or other forms of support from my parents). In some ways, this is a paid job just like my nanny job which has come to an end. Instead of one infant/toddler, though, I have the responsibility of four siblings and an absentminded dad while my mom is away for the rest of the month. The parents have paid off my car and added me to their insurance, which is my summers payment. Besides being a job, Im also looking to repair my psyche by returning to the place where my dysfunction started (the depression).
Ive realized some heavy things about my family, and tried writing about them in my censored, boring blog, but I took it down because I believe my anonymity has been compromised on this site. Im not sure how to fix things, especially with my mother. Sometimes I feel I should just let the past go, realize that she did the best she could, and its not worth it to give it a name and put the blame on her shoulders. I feel that I wont truly be accepted or supported because our religious/moral beliefs are so fundamentally different. I wonder if the best way to keep the peace is just to ignore the elephant in the room, but that idea nettles me.
Living with my family is as tough and as rewarding as expected, except for dealing with my little sister. After one week of confrontations with her, I admitted to my parents that Im in over my head.
Shes 16, and fine with me being her friend and advocate, but the second I turned into any bit of an authority figure or seemed like I was siding with the parents, she started being nasty. As an example, I asked her to put away the little boys laundry while she was folding a load. She point-blank refused. I told her I wasnt going to argue with her, and I would just call dad and let him decide. She said, I will NOT put away their laundry, in a mean, almost yelling voice. He simply told her to put her phone in his room, and hung up on her, so as not to argue (its not worth it, I promise you!).
So, she blames me for her getting grounded, and Im told that I suck, etc.
I guess Im doing my penance for being such a difficult teenager myself, but, at the same time, I wonder at her ferocious anger and her lack of interest in trying to fix anything (she refuses to go to therapy or anything like that).
I dont know how much good I can do, especially since I still have to protect myself, and make sure the added stress of her anger/depression wont trigger my own sadness. I guess Im hardening. I cant be empathetic all the time you get torn in too many directions. I understand where my parents are coming from, I understand my sisters grief and in a way, Ive been forced to take sides in issues that maybe I shouldnt have to in the first place. But, Im here, and I guess, just like my parents, Ill do the best that I am able to do.
Ive realized some heavy things about my family, and tried writing about them in my censored, boring blog, but I took it down because I believe my anonymity has been compromised on this site. Im not sure how to fix things, especially with my mother. Sometimes I feel I should just let the past go, realize that she did the best she could, and its not worth it to give it a name and put the blame on her shoulders. I feel that I wont truly be accepted or supported because our religious/moral beliefs are so fundamentally different. I wonder if the best way to keep the peace is just to ignore the elephant in the room, but that idea nettles me.
Living with my family is as tough and as rewarding as expected, except for dealing with my little sister. After one week of confrontations with her, I admitted to my parents that Im in over my head.
Shes 16, and fine with me being her friend and advocate, but the second I turned into any bit of an authority figure or seemed like I was siding with the parents, she started being nasty. As an example, I asked her to put away the little boys laundry while she was folding a load. She point-blank refused. I told her I wasnt going to argue with her, and I would just call dad and let him decide. She said, I will NOT put away their laundry, in a mean, almost yelling voice. He simply told her to put her phone in his room, and hung up on her, so as not to argue (its not worth it, I promise you!).
So, she blames me for her getting grounded, and Im told that I suck, etc.
I guess Im doing my penance for being such a difficult teenager myself, but, at the same time, I wonder at her ferocious anger and her lack of interest in trying to fix anything (she refuses to go to therapy or anything like that).
I dont know how much good I can do, especially since I still have to protect myself, and make sure the added stress of her anger/depression wont trigger my own sadness. I guess Im hardening. I cant be empathetic all the time you get torn in too many directions. I understand where my parents are coming from, I understand my sisters grief and in a way, Ive been forced to take sides in issues that maybe I shouldnt have to in the first place. But, Im here, and I guess, just like my parents, Ill do the best that I am able to do.
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Good luck with the parent thing don't let them make you sick and if need be GET OUT. Your health and sanity is more important then the money.