toribell

And now a message from ToriBell's sponsor and master:



You will allow me to introduce myself (or I will cut off your head).

I am Jaws, the Guardian of the Great Expanse (i.e. the backyard), Slayer of Evil Reptiles, and Champion of the Bed. Hear me roar! I might look cute and cuddly, but I'm a vicious meat-eating beast!

Now that introductions are over, I would like to set a few things straight.

This site is not awesome. It is ridiculous. I see nothing dedicated to me. I cannot believe slave Tori took pictures with another animal (and a stupid dog, no less). She will be punished for this. I forsee many nights of walking over her head while she is trying to sleep. And those toes that I protect every night? Fuck them! The bed monsters can eat them alive for all I care.

Where is my set? Where are my "aww, it is so cute"s! You people suck. This site sucks. The ancient Egyptians worshipped me as god, but yet I have no site! What the hell is there such a big deal about the hairless humans anyway? I get to see my slave naked every day, and she just looks funny. I, on the other hand, always have a coat of wondrous, soft fur.

I do not get my ass kicked. I kick ass. Do you hear me? I. KICK. ASS. Once again, I do not get my ass kicked. Ever. End of discussion.

I shall now expand upon my kick-ass-ness. I have rid the wilderness of the great demons called "lizards". I kill them and eat their insides so they cannot use their dark magic to come back to life. Their poison often gives me indigestion, but no matter! I vomit them so my slave can see my great deeds. She feels worthy that she gets to collect my trophies in plastic baggies to send to the Great Collector, otherwise known as the "Garbage Can".

I am wondrous! I am beautiful, intelligent, talented, amazing! I am all powerful, all seeing, all controlling Jaws! I am, I am.

Very sleepy