things my roommates seem to not understand:
heaving granola all over the kitchen in a bibulous fury is fine. leaving it there for someone else to clean up is not. i wasted an hour cleaning up after you assholes.
if you can get the water filter out of the refrigerator to fill your drinking glass, why the fuck cant you put more water in it? is it that demanding to walk the extra foot over to the sink and turn the faucet on? and why the fuck did you refrigerate the empty water filter?
rent is a first of the month experience. this doesnt alter from month to month. its now the 24th and you still havent paid half the rent. for this you should die a merciless death.
leaving your dishes out sucks. its understandable that you might be tired at whatever given point. however, leaving your egg crusted pans out for days on end is fucking nauseating. furthermore. leaving them out for the vegan to clean is just fucked up. i hate you.
telling those nice girls who wanted to move in here, that moving in here is a bad idea was not cool. just because i hate you crusty scumfuck hippies does not mean that i am a bad person. i just hate your fucking bullshit and think you should die a horribly macabre death (outside of the house of course, i already have enough of your shit to clean up after without dealing with your bloody bodies).
and why, oh why, cant you buy the occasional roll of toilet paper, or trash bags. youre fucking disgusting. when i dont buy toilet paper you use newspaper. and yeah. trash bags? shits not expensive. but i guess that makes sense as you cant seem to understand needing a trash bag in the rubbish bin before putting slimy gross things in the can.
things boys dont understand:
in bitching about my roommate situation you asked me if Im looking for new roommates or to move out. you all but asked me to move in with you... the well beth and I were thinking about getting an apartment, and shes really cool.. And well if you need to find somewhere to live.. ugh. you then proceeded to tell me Im beautiful and that you love me. I almost lost my appetite for the awesome food you cooked for me. I nicely tried to tell you to go sleep with other women. you got befuddled. I didnt find it so confusing.
things my friends dont understand:
please dont assume anything. driving from 300 miles away to stay on my couch without asking me is not cool. trying to guilt me into hanging out with you is also not cool. i have a life, and hence have plans. excuse me if i dont want to drop my plans to go to my friends going away party (shes moving to cali) to go hang out at a chinese buffet thats all you can eat and all you can drink. please dont just saunter into my room uninvited. note that yes, you are uninvited. picking up my phone and calling people for social reasons while its still on daytime minutes isnt cool either.
to everyone else:
you rock! lots of love has been sent in my direction this week and i am ever grateful. those who have called or emailed to check up on my sanity or help out with the momster situation, you rock, and Id be lost without you.
heaving granola all over the kitchen in a bibulous fury is fine. leaving it there for someone else to clean up is not. i wasted an hour cleaning up after you assholes.
if you can get the water filter out of the refrigerator to fill your drinking glass, why the fuck cant you put more water in it? is it that demanding to walk the extra foot over to the sink and turn the faucet on? and why the fuck did you refrigerate the empty water filter?
rent is a first of the month experience. this doesnt alter from month to month. its now the 24th and you still havent paid half the rent. for this you should die a merciless death.
leaving your dishes out sucks. its understandable that you might be tired at whatever given point. however, leaving your egg crusted pans out for days on end is fucking nauseating. furthermore. leaving them out for the vegan to clean is just fucked up. i hate you.
telling those nice girls who wanted to move in here, that moving in here is a bad idea was not cool. just because i hate you crusty scumfuck hippies does not mean that i am a bad person. i just hate your fucking bullshit and think you should die a horribly macabre death (outside of the house of course, i already have enough of your shit to clean up after without dealing with your bloody bodies).
and why, oh why, cant you buy the occasional roll of toilet paper, or trash bags. youre fucking disgusting. when i dont buy toilet paper you use newspaper. and yeah. trash bags? shits not expensive. but i guess that makes sense as you cant seem to understand needing a trash bag in the rubbish bin before putting slimy gross things in the can.
things boys dont understand:
in bitching about my roommate situation you asked me if Im looking for new roommates or to move out. you all but asked me to move in with you... the well beth and I were thinking about getting an apartment, and shes really cool.. And well if you need to find somewhere to live.. ugh. you then proceeded to tell me Im beautiful and that you love me. I almost lost my appetite for the awesome food you cooked for me. I nicely tried to tell you to go sleep with other women. you got befuddled. I didnt find it so confusing.
things my friends dont understand:
please dont assume anything. driving from 300 miles away to stay on my couch without asking me is not cool. trying to guilt me into hanging out with you is also not cool. i have a life, and hence have plans. excuse me if i dont want to drop my plans to go to my friends going away party (shes moving to cali) to go hang out at a chinese buffet thats all you can eat and all you can drink. please dont just saunter into my room uninvited. note that yes, you are uninvited. picking up my phone and calling people for social reasons while its still on daytime minutes isnt cool either.
to everyone else:
you rock! lots of love has been sent in my direction this week and i am ever grateful. those who have called or emailed to check up on my sanity or help out with the momster situation, you rock, and Id be lost without you.
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-ryan