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toolgirl

Member Since 2004

Followers 215 Following 148

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Tuesday Oct 05, 2004

Oct 5, 2004
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More of you are into anal than I thought!

The only GOOD thing I have to say today is that it's October and I yearn to be an Original Star Trek girly in a red dress for Halloween. The dresses are like $65 on ebay so it probably won't happen, but thinking about it makes me momentarily happy.

Now for the BAD. Come on, you knew it was only a matter of time before toolgirl was sad. I knew I would crash after the vacation. FUCK! It's also started raining here in Seattle today and that means the beginning of 9 months of grey. I am so fucking predictable.

The UGLY.... Question: How can a day start so good and turn so bad? My brain loves feeling shitty, that's how. It's like a drug. Brain and brain what is brain? (You have to LOVE original star trek to get that one)

A friend once told me that everyone has a "gig" for how they do relationships (friendships, family, significant others, etc.). Mine is "You don't know me." You don't tell people your gig, you just do it. So how do I achieve this? I am way too nice to people. I rarely form lasting relationships. I fool most people and they don't know it. I listen to people too much. They dump on me. I adjust my mood and manner for people. I accommodate people. I withhold the truth regularly. I don't share. I edit. It's what I do. In my mind I can always justify not sharing my "true self" with people because they will never really know me anyway so what's the point?

My self-absorbed brain is sure enjoying this. It's positively drunk with the depressant "negativity." I'm sure I'll be back to normal tomorrow.

What's your "gig?"




VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
dx927:
well i'm not going to tell you my gig cuz as you put it "you don't tell people your gig, you just do it" duh! tongue wink
Oct 5, 2004
zeus013:
does it sometime feel like your screaming but, your not making any sound?


Oct 5, 2004

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