I got to thinking today....about my now ex-husband, I spent 10 years trying to motivate him, support him with his ideas and decisions, encourage him to be a successful person, etc. he seemed incapable of doing anything without constant reminding, encouraging, motivating. you get the idea...I was the nagging wife I never wanted to be. I tried so hard to lay off and only be positive with him. all I really wanted was for him to be a self sufficient person who could take care of himself and hopefully someday a family. I never felt like he could do that so I held off having children (something I know he wanted badly, as do I someday) since I was the primary financial provider and did a majority of the household chores, shopping, bill paying, etc. I even planned our recreation...dinner, movies, vacations, concerts..etc.
I got completely burned out after years of doing that.
I had to fish for compliments, he rarely volunteered those, rarely told me if I looked nice, pretty, sexy, beautiful, noticed my new clothes, shoes, hair color/style. he'd eat meals I prepared without a word as to if it tasted good or even ok. expressed his love for me only when asked or on special occasions...anniversary, valentines day, birthdays, unless I brought it up. his replies was always the same...it'd start with "you know....." (".......I love you, you look nice, the food tastes good," etc)
so where was I going with all of this??? well I saw him in court yesterday and he seemed ok, he had clean clothes on, looked fed, told me about a new position at his job (although I'm not sure if it was a promotion I had always pushed him towards that he'd never follow through with).
I guess I was/am disappointed that he hasn't fallen flat on his face. upset that he'd taken me for granted for all those years. sad that I let it happen. annoyed that it didn't work out. regretful that I somehow failed. pissed that I spent some of the best years of my life with him. like I let down my family and friends who like him so much and think so highly of him (after all as a person he's got some wonderful qualities, just try being his wife...my father has told me everyday that I'm making a mistake, I'm fucking everything up etc.) scared of what is going to happen next. determined to make it through all of this. fearful I won't find someone who I connect with, or end up worse off with someone else, or that this happens again. vulnerable...knowing what I know now. jaded knowing how people can be. exposed now that I wrote all of this out and I'm about to post it
I got completely burned out after years of doing that.
I had to fish for compliments, he rarely volunteered those, rarely told me if I looked nice, pretty, sexy, beautiful, noticed my new clothes, shoes, hair color/style. he'd eat meals I prepared without a word as to if it tasted good or even ok. expressed his love for me only when asked or on special occasions...anniversary, valentines day, birthdays, unless I brought it up. his replies was always the same...it'd start with "you know....." (".......I love you, you look nice, the food tastes good," etc)
so where was I going with all of this??? well I saw him in court yesterday and he seemed ok, he had clean clothes on, looked fed, told me about a new position at his job (although I'm not sure if it was a promotion I had always pushed him towards that he'd never follow through with).
I guess I was/am disappointed that he hasn't fallen flat on his face. upset that he'd taken me for granted for all those years. sad that I let it happen. annoyed that it didn't work out. regretful that I somehow failed. pissed that I spent some of the best years of my life with him. like I let down my family and friends who like him so much and think so highly of him (after all as a person he's got some wonderful qualities, just try being his wife...my father has told me everyday that I'm making a mistake, I'm fucking everything up etc.) scared of what is going to happen next. determined to make it through all of this. fearful I won't find someone who I connect with, or end up worse off with someone else, or that this happens again. vulnerable...knowing what I know now. jaded knowing how people can be. exposed now that I wrote all of this out and I'm about to post it
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2) Don't think of it as time wasted with him, merely, experience gained.
3) BTW, I know you know the parents, butparents and inlaws are full of wisdom, but where is he and his inlaws in all of this? Do what makes you feel like you can relate to someone.
4) Yes, he took you for granted. He might come around eventually, however, make him understand what he has lost.
5) If he doesn't understand what he has lost, then find the right person who knows who you are AND can enjoy you for who you are...a wonderful person...