my girl SweetasSugar
my sweetie is neglecting me so this is what happens:
I have some other shit going on...I don't really feel like discussing it right now. tune in next time for the big personal rant from hell.
I'm off to bring a rabies certificate to my town so they stop the warrent out for my arrest...yuppers...you heard me right...I have a warrent out for my arrest form not updating my dogs Rabies vaccination. (all 3 of them get allergic reactions to vaccinations, they puff up, can't breathe...and some other not-so-cool symptoms) so I chose not to vaccinate them this year. 
blah...anyways....
******************************************************************************************
do any of you remember the dream I wrote about maybe a month ago?
I got to thinking about it tonight on the way home from a friends house (actually x-guy I dated who I remained friends with)
it was the dream about saying "I love you" well here I am another month into the "relationship" with my sweetie and things have been really cold for the past 3 weeks. we were so close for the first 2+ months and all of a sudden its gone frosty cold. sometimes I wonder if I feel love for him, I know I do my best to deny it, I don't want to fall into the "I love you" trap again. I've been fucked over a few too many times in the past year and I can't allow myself to be taken in by that emotion right now. there's too much swimming around in my brain about that to put it all down, besides I've touched on it before and must we beat the dead horse till its no longer recognizable? I didn't think so.
anyways...still on the love thing, ( I guess I am gonna beat it a bit more huh?) how many ways can a person say I love you or express love? my ex used to say it in spanish, english and spanish again. he would say it and say it yet his actions didn't back his words. my ex husband would tell me "you know i love you" only when I asked or brought it up, or said it first. the young guy I dated this past spring would say it frequently almost demanding my love in return, which I gave up until he lost it, never threaten the life of the one you love.
so what does a girl like me want in life? in a relationship?
love...to know I'm loved, to be shown regularly in words and actions. unconditionally
security...to feel safe, not threatened by the one I'm with and that he'll be there to protect me from anyone else or support me in times that I have to do things on my own.
trust...I want to be able to trust the person I'm with. to know that everything they say, do and represent it the Gods honest truth, that they'd never lie to me or misrepresent themself or anything that they're doing.
so yeah...every man I've been with my whole life lacks one or more of these qualities at one time or another.
that pretty much sucks!
*hops off soapbox*
I'm done, time for bed. if you read all of my rantings and are nice enough to comment, then reward yourself with a tasty treat of your choice. might I recommend a fudgy brownie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
wed am....
I have a huge headache and nausua today. I just sauteed portabella mushrooms and red peppers and scrambled an egg and the thought if eating now is "YUCK" 
I usually love this type of thing.
ok...it tastes pretty good, but my belly is all unsettled today. 
later!
lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late
kissing girls is wonderful. so soft and squishy, i like to say. i just kind of feel weird because i was soooooo drunk.