tonkakatt

its that moment when you wonder what the hell you're doing, where you're going, and why?

2 people in the last 3 months have told me they want me to have babies with them.
I'm sorry am I supposed to be hearing a clock ticking? can they hear something I can't? my ex hasband always wanted children too. and where is he now? yeah, so I'd be stuck with kids, raising them alone, hoping another man could love those children. damn it.. its hard enough to let someone into my world when its just me, never mind me and kids.

then I wonder...if not now...when?

there has only been one person whom I've ever wanted to have children with, hell I don't even know if he'd be a good father, a good husband, if he'd stick around. & I refuse to raise my children alone.
its not an issue though since he's not in my life anyways. we talk occasionally, and it still breaks my heart. I've never had anyone make me as happy as he did. sometimes I wonder if he did come back would I still love him. would he still melt my heart with his eyes, his smile...or has the magic passed.

question of the day...
what the hell are YOU doing?