tomtomtom

I knew I was getting old when I started getting hangovers without even being drunk. A few drinks at night, even spaced out and cushioned with food, is enough to leave me a bit gray and slow the following morning.

Now, apparently, I can have break-ups without every having a relationship. Last night I called things off with a woman. Only we had never really been dating. Drunken hook-ups, occasional dates, a casual refusal to engage emotionally.

Usually these things burn themselves out. Fewer and fewer phone calls and one day I realize I havent seen the woman in a few weeks and Im okay with it. But this time she wanted more and it was clear I had to end it. So I did. And I feel bad.

The sadness I am feeling now is way out of proportion with any thing I ever felt toward her. Maybe I care for her more than I realize. Or maybe Im just reacting to the renewed awareness that I am alone.

I am sad. I am tired. I will go work out and then go to bed and tomorrow I will feel better. I need a change of scene.