tomosnemesis

So i just woke up from a terrifying dream. Something about going to dinner with a friend and a random guy on a double date. well, the guy turned out to be a psycho and when i walked out on him, he left the restaurant and then went looking for me. i'm still foggy and can't remember why i was so terrified. but i went running (in that slow can't move my legs way) because i was so scared and went through a little neighborhood having some sort of celebration and i had to get out of there because i knew he'd find me. so i asked for directions and ended up running through this dilapidated apartment complex that doesn't exist but is supposed to be by my complex. strange thing, i've dreamed of running through this complex, with the same homeless kids inside of it, terrified of something, before in my dreams. one of aforemention creepy kids pins me, trying to kiss me and i get away and can't get out of the complex, then i wake up drooling all over myself.
I want to be with steve so badly. he makes me extremely happy and even right now after terrifying running dream i wouldn't want anything more than to be in his arms and cry. and so i'm home alone, my heart rate exploding. Igor thinks it's crazy, but something that only adds to the fear is the fact that i dream things that happen either while i'm dreaming them or afterward.
but now to happy thoughts to make my bloodpressure leave dangerous levels...NY was wonderful and everything i hoped for. Steve makes me the happiest i've been in years. the way he smiles and looks at me with those smiley brown eyes (you know the kind i'm talking about). It was a weekend of bliss lying in his arms, sharing ice cream kisses and making love (insert longing "rowl" here). then it came to an all too soon ending. one minute we're having sex, the next we're hugging goodbye in front of my cab. i waited until we pulled away and then cried, only because the cabbie was too. "that is the cutest thing i have ever seen. you two kids are gonna be okay." thanks for your vote in this Frank. i can't help but let all the times i've been jaded impair my feelings a little, or at least put the ice warning signs up. that's life i suppose. all i know is what i feel. and that feeling excites me and scares me. perhaps i'll dream of what's to come...