tohidemyhurt

how beaten i feel already this early summer! nothing severe, you know that feeling after the usual spring of pulsing hope. the feeling when it becomes not when but HOW will i compromise - or will i continue only to hope?

it is frustrating. even when you meditate and prey, eat just right of your vegan table and drink just the proper, slimy, level of your kombucha-- and even stay more or less productive! (just now "the Hiss of Summer Lawns"--the title, if not the song, entered my head and makes some kind of sense. does anyone know that song?). is blogging just the whine "real life" does not permit?

i am not whining. i accept being disatisfied. i accept the inevitable petty side of things: the great fucking mediocre core of just about everything. it is LIFE! isn't that what the internet teaches us? is it a central thing Suicide Girls--or any site--can't help but teach us? it is what life teaches. and we have to accept it. we RAGE and accept. ACCEPT and rage!.

some express this more nakedly, some more beautifully. but trust, know the great truth is almost every time a lie!
almost.

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where is Loretta? if you know her please beg her to come back! ALL of her day-dreaming lovers NEED her now with all the solid happy--"akta"-- truth of our imaginations. please come home!!!