i was told a couple days ago that my ex-girlfriend who's damaged me emotionally. mentally, physically, and financially more than anybody i've ever met in my life was in a life threatening car accident and that she probably wasn't gonna make it. i didn't know quite how to take this news, i was kind of happy that she was suffering and i joked that after all this time wishing death upon her she finally got it... i actually didn't know how to react to the news, but i figured i was kind of glad.
last night at around 10:45 i got a call from the guy she started fucking and then dating not more than a week after we broke up (who i still think is deeply gay though) telling me that she passed on due to her lungs and heart failing on tuesday.
this is a woman i was deeply attatched to. she made herself out to be the end all be all of women and manipulated me so well till i ran out of everylast bit of usefulness to her. funny how the internet was the only thing that saved me from the whole pit of misery that i flung myself willingly into... and now after all the nights i cried over her wishing one of us wasn't breathing anymore, all the agony she caused me, all the times i cursed her name, she finally died, and i can't help but feel like i wanted her dead a little too badly for this to not be my fault? but then again there where hundreds of other people that felt the same way.
finally get some rest Liz... your life was always too hectic anyways.
tofu "
"
last night at around 10:45 i got a call from the guy she started fucking and then dating not more than a week after we broke up (who i still think is deeply gay though) telling me that she passed on due to her lungs and heart failing on tuesday.
this is a woman i was deeply attatched to. she made herself out to be the end all be all of women and manipulated me so well till i ran out of everylast bit of usefulness to her. funny how the internet was the only thing that saved me from the whole pit of misery that i flung myself willingly into... and now after all the nights i cried over her wishing one of us wasn't breathing anymore, all the agony she caused me, all the times i cursed her name, she finally died, and i can't help but feel like i wanted her dead a little too badly for this to not be my fault? but then again there where hundreds of other people that felt the same way.
finally get some rest Liz... your life was always too hectic anyways.
tofu "
"
I had this one girl in my life that I used to kill myself over being her best friend. I worked all too hard to get her to appreciate me, and I felt like it was a lost cause when we finally reached high school. When I finally realized she was taking me for granted, I gave up and moved on. It was hard. I had been so angry at her and angry at myself, wondering why I couldn't be her best friend after everything I'd done for her. When I moved back into town, she'd mentioned hanging out again sometime, but I just kind of gave her lip service. I moved away again and found out she passed away after she got stuck under a truck during a blizzard on the way to Michicgan to be with her family.
I don't forgive myself for thinking about her the way I did, and I still feel sort of bitter, but I feel bad because she's actually gone and maybe I was just being childish.
I hope your ex does finally get some rest.
so it cant be your fault.
it was just an accident and those things happen.
i know that if you died i would feel terrible and cry and be sad cuz there was a time when i hated you so much i wished you would die. but i would be sad becuz i will always love you. but we grow up and get over things. you werent still going on about how you wished she were dead. it was years ago. and youre happy now in your new love. you grew up and moved on.
you cant believe a moments wish at one point in your life could cause a tramatic event a long time down the road.
so buck up kiddo. morn the loss of your once great love...but dont beat yourself up over it.
youre better than that.