tiwi62764

I can't control my feelings, I think I've never been able to, maybe it's time to learn. Maybe I should listen to what is said about me, maybe I'm not who I think I am.
Why can't I be happy, why do I always ruin what I have, why can't I learn to shut up when everything is going good. Why can't I control my actions with my mind, why do I always act with what I feel. Why can't I let people be.
A friend once told me, "When you, learn to take things slow, conform with what you have, and ignore reality, you will be happy." Why can't I do that?
I was happy 4 days ago, I don't know what's going on right now, I don't know what's gonna happen, and that just makes it hurt even more. I just wanna lock my self up and cry. I don't wanna think on how I ruined it, on how I coulnd't stay quiet, I need to learn not to speak.
I've never felt so lonely.
If I know what I need to do to keep things the way the are, i feel like the last thing I wanna do is stay quiet and conform. Maybe what brings me such unpleasent moments is really what makes me happy.
It's just never made me feel like this, a overwhealming pain, pain I don't know how to handle cuz I've never felt before.
I wanna hold on to the memories, I don't want time to pass, I don't want to grow up, I wanna stay in the past for ever.
I know exactly what I want, it's something I can't control.
Call, tell me what I want to hear.



By the way, I'm in spain...have been here for 3 weeks, don't really know anyone, so I'm having a pretty bad time.
5 more months to go....time goes slow when you want it to go fast.