tinysharks

I started writing this morning about adjusting to a new group of people
Learning their moods
Their eccentricities
How far you can push them before they crack
How offensive your jokes can get before you have to apologize
What the idea of lateness is for each person
Who needs constant reminders
Who you can yes to death
Who actually wants the truth

That got me thinking about how I must come off to anyone who doesnt know me
The prolonged silences
The impatience
The walking away
The pessimism

And I started digging for examples
And I came back to last night

I sat in a little room in a bar last night
In relative silence, I stared at the walls, reading the album covers that lined them
If allowed to sit thinking for too long my mind wanders
Instead of attempting to be social and joining one of the conversations going on around me I wondered whether or not the actual records were in the album covers
I got the idea in my head that I should be home so I jumped up and left
I couldnt be convinced to stay
Or to wait
Im not sure if I even said goodbye
I know, I know I had a little to drink
And I was cranky from being overtired
But both are usually the case, especially lately
Keeping true to form I let things bother me that are out of my control
I took things personally that I shouldnt have
Which is usually the case as well
And while trying to come up with examples from the people I was with last night to help me in outlining group dynamics I spaced and started to dwell on my behavior
Then it bothered me that I let my mood affect my behavior
Then it bothered me that I let things bother me

This is exhausting