Garcon, Newport Me!
Today is my one year anniversary
One year wtihout a cigarette
I rule
But
The sad part is
If I could have a Newport right now
Just one
And I knew that I wouldn't go back to smoking again
I would
I wrote this last year:
Step Inside to 14 Years
I haven't had a cigarette in eight days
After over 14 years of smoking, I chucked it in
At the point where I spent more of my life as a smoker, than a non smoker
But it's in my blood
The smoking
Every relative, whether blood or by marriage smokes
Every one
Except for the grandmothers
Somewhere along the way my brother started smoking
How could I tell him not to?
Because I knew what it was like?
How could he listen to me: a man too stupid to take his own advice?
How good could that advice be?
...
Last Sunday, for no apparent reason, I put a cigarette in my mouth in the middle of Arrested Development and never lit it
I sat with it, alternating holding it between my lips and flipping it between my fingers for the rest of the night
I put it on my dresser before I went to sleep
When I woke up Monday morning, I never picked it up
I showered and dressed and did my sole OCD ritual:
Phone, gum, & lighter right hand front pocket
keys right back pocket
I.D., metrocard, atm, & cigarettes left hand front pocket
14 years
Same thing every morning (less the metrocard when I lived on the island)
I always had cigarettes on me
And a lighter
I never asked a stranger for that extra cigarette that apparently comes in packs
I never spent the day without a lighter or matches
And gum to try and cover up that taste
Monday was no different
The hours passed at work and I never took the cigarettes out of my pocket
I didn't announce that I wasn't smoking
The days passed and as people asked me to go out for a cigarette with them I just said no
They would jokingly ask if I quit
I would nod and say, "Yeah."
And that would be that.
...
14 years
The longest I went without a cigarette was 24 hours
I was a junior in high school
Someone convinced me to not smoke during the smoke out I think it was called
I did it and he stopped pestering me
At 12:01 though I had a cigarette in my mouth
Sure
It's only been 8 days
That's a lot for me
I smoked through the flu
I smoked through strep throat
I smoked in the shower
I smoked in bed before I even sat up in the morning
Hit snooze and smoke
And now it's been 8 days without one
I still want one once in a while
But now I smell it on people when they walk past me
Or when they come in from outside at a bar or at work
I almost smoked though on Friday night
I left a bar and the people I was with lit up as soon as we stepped outside
After too many shots and too many beers, a cigarette sounded better than the pizza we left the bar to find
I took one of the just lit cigarettes and went to put it in my mouth
And I read Camel
I wasn't going to undo the month of pills and insomnia and agitation for a fucking Camel
Nothing is more disgusting than that fine Turkish blend
I don't know if this is going to last
I hope it does
I've done more than I thought I would or ever could.
Today is my one year anniversary
One year wtihout a cigarette
I rule
But
The sad part is
If I could have a Newport right now
Just one
And I knew that I wouldn't go back to smoking again
I would
I wrote this last year:
Step Inside to 14 Years
I haven't had a cigarette in eight days
After over 14 years of smoking, I chucked it in
At the point where I spent more of my life as a smoker, than a non smoker
But it's in my blood
The smoking
Every relative, whether blood or by marriage smokes
Every one
Except for the grandmothers
Somewhere along the way my brother started smoking
How could I tell him not to?
Because I knew what it was like?
How could he listen to me: a man too stupid to take his own advice?
How good could that advice be?
...
Last Sunday, for no apparent reason, I put a cigarette in my mouth in the middle of Arrested Development and never lit it
I sat with it, alternating holding it between my lips and flipping it between my fingers for the rest of the night
I put it on my dresser before I went to sleep
When I woke up Monday morning, I never picked it up
I showered and dressed and did my sole OCD ritual:
Phone, gum, & lighter right hand front pocket
keys right back pocket
I.D., metrocard, atm, & cigarettes left hand front pocket
14 years
Same thing every morning (less the metrocard when I lived on the island)
I always had cigarettes on me
And a lighter
I never asked a stranger for that extra cigarette that apparently comes in packs
I never spent the day without a lighter or matches
And gum to try and cover up that taste
Monday was no different
The hours passed at work and I never took the cigarettes out of my pocket
I didn't announce that I wasn't smoking
The days passed and as people asked me to go out for a cigarette with them I just said no
They would jokingly ask if I quit
I would nod and say, "Yeah."
And that would be that.
...
14 years
The longest I went without a cigarette was 24 hours
I was a junior in high school
Someone convinced me to not smoke during the smoke out I think it was called
I did it and he stopped pestering me
At 12:01 though I had a cigarette in my mouth
Sure
It's only been 8 days
That's a lot for me
I smoked through the flu
I smoked through strep throat
I smoked in the shower
I smoked in bed before I even sat up in the morning
Hit snooze and smoke
And now it's been 8 days without one
I still want one once in a while
But now I smell it on people when they walk past me
Or when they come in from outside at a bar or at work
I almost smoked though on Friday night
I left a bar and the people I was with lit up as soon as we stepped outside
After too many shots and too many beers, a cigarette sounded better than the pizza we left the bar to find
I took one of the just lit cigarettes and went to put it in my mouth
And I read Camel
I wasn't going to undo the month of pills and insomnia and agitation for a fucking Camel
Nothing is more disgusting than that fine Turkish blend
I don't know if this is going to last
I hope it does
I've done more than I thought I would or ever could.