tinsoldier

so i have cooked all day and gone to see family.
then i go back to the bar where the girl works.
i think i am a little wlser than i used to be, however i am doing the same dance.

i have two minds.
i am using the frustration to improve myself so i can be somewhat stable.
but, i am also giving time, effort, and coin to get a nod from a person who is working.
i am fighting to pay bills, and go through the daily grind.
i need to stay home, but i have to get out and see these people.
the regulars, the drunks, the trouble-makers.
i am wandering, in a circle.

time, effort, and emotion will give me a path.
will it be what i want, probably not.
keep on treading water, the alternative is to drown.

i might be lazy, fat and depressing.
but i will not settle, if i end up old and angry...
so be it, i'll have the sour grapes to make wine with.
then i'll let it age and get popular.
fuck over the neo-yuppies for a grand a bottle.
buy new cloned parts and never die.
watch the last sunset as the sun supernovas and fly the bird while i kill a bottle of the cheap stuff.