There are days that, upon leaving class, I wonder if I have the tenacity and patience to teach at the college level. This class started with about 18 students and now we're down to 7, 2 of which I'm convinced are failing on attendance alone. One of these students is my age and told me a similar story of his struggle to get to this point where he can go back to school. I find myself thinking, "Then why are you fucking it royally for yourself?"
I had a vision of a college student, driven, focused and goal-oriented. I'm finding, for the most part, that assertion to be a lie. Most are lazy, apathetic and have no sense of self-responsibility. I used to believe that the majority of people were basically good people, then I interacted with them and I quickly discovered that to be a lie. Thus, I'm not sure why this discovery about the average college student is anything new. It seems that the longer I'm alive the more cynical and pessimistic I become. It's days like this, when I just want to retreat inside of myself and tell the rest of the world to <i>"fuck off"</i>
It seems that it's time for me to reevaluate my decisions about my life. Should I really continue to pursue teaching? Why? So that I can spend the rest of my life frustrated, sorting the 5 pieces of wheat from the 18 pieces of chaff? Perhaps I can aspire to such things as the film about that math teacher who taught all of the inner city school children to succeed where others had failed or "Mr. Holland's Opus"? No... those are movies. Fantasies of celluloid. I could spend my whole life trying to sort wheat from chaff and never get enough to make a loaf of bread.
It's not everyday that you begin the process of realizing that you're 33 and still too naive. Where do I focus my life now? Writing? At least that way, my frustrations with life will be focused on my own failures rather than those based on the apathy of the rest of the planet. I'm seeing more and more that the problems in the education system are so systemic that one man with a lot of high ideals is never going to be able to affect it. When I've brought this up to people before the answer I most commonly receive is "It's always been like that, if you want to be a teacher, just learn to deal with it." Sorry... not me. I don't like feeling helpless and if I get into that situation, I'll burn myself up trying to change it and from what I've seen thus far in my short life, human beings are far too interested in being able to blame someone else for their failures. I'm not going to allow myself to fall into that torturous cycle.
At least with writing as my bailiwick, when the rest of the world decides to cry that their children can't read or keep up, educationally with the rest of the civilized world, I can take pen in hand and tell them to fuck the hell off.
I had a vision of a college student, driven, focused and goal-oriented. I'm finding, for the most part, that assertion to be a lie. Most are lazy, apathetic and have no sense of self-responsibility. I used to believe that the majority of people were basically good people, then I interacted with them and I quickly discovered that to be a lie. Thus, I'm not sure why this discovery about the average college student is anything new. It seems that the longer I'm alive the more cynical and pessimistic I become. It's days like this, when I just want to retreat inside of myself and tell the rest of the world to <i>"fuck off"</i>
It seems that it's time for me to reevaluate my decisions about my life. Should I really continue to pursue teaching? Why? So that I can spend the rest of my life frustrated, sorting the 5 pieces of wheat from the 18 pieces of chaff? Perhaps I can aspire to such things as the film about that math teacher who taught all of the inner city school children to succeed where others had failed or "Mr. Holland's Opus"? No... those are movies. Fantasies of celluloid. I could spend my whole life trying to sort wheat from chaff and never get enough to make a loaf of bread.
It's not everyday that you begin the process of realizing that you're 33 and still too naive. Where do I focus my life now? Writing? At least that way, my frustrations with life will be focused on my own failures rather than those based on the apathy of the rest of the planet. I'm seeing more and more that the problems in the education system are so systemic that one man with a lot of high ideals is never going to be able to affect it. When I've brought this up to people before the answer I most commonly receive is "It's always been like that, if you want to be a teacher, just learn to deal with it." Sorry... not me. I don't like feeling helpless and if I get into that situation, I'll burn myself up trying to change it and from what I've seen thus far in my short life, human beings are far too interested in being able to blame someone else for their failures. I'm not going to allow myself to fall into that torturous cycle.
At least with writing as my bailiwick, when the rest of the world decides to cry that their children can't read or keep up, educationally with the rest of the civilized world, I can take pen in hand and tell them to fuck the hell off.