So I'm sitting here, 2:30 in the morning, wide awake watching the show Lockdown with teenagers in prison. It's got me thinking about my life a lot. I'm 26 and I've never even been in handcuffs before, let-alone been to prison. But I've made some mistakes, missed-out on some opportunities and didn't do what it took to succeed when I was trying to capitalize on other opportunities. I was born with Spina Bifida, walk with crutches and ankle braces, and am paralyzed below my knees. Despite all that, I was always very physically active and always up for the next challenge in life. When I was 20, I was 128 pounds and benchpressed about 285, was studying Tae Kwon Do, working part-time and going to school full-time. 5 years later and I have nothing to show for any of it, except some lessons learned. I have a lot of goals and really do have high expectations for myself and my life. I've never been a druggie or an alcoholic or anything...Got into a bad relationship when I was 20 and that threw my life away. After a while, I was finally smart and strong enuff to get outta the relationship, but my family life and friendships had already suffered. I hate myself for the way I acted, but I know I can't take any of it back. I've spent the last few years trying to make up for it, and in December I finally got a job that I really liked and wanted. However, I really feel I wasn't mentally prepared for the job and at times I was so down on myself that I felt I didn't deserve the job. As a result, I screwed things up with that by falling behind on my work and a few other things I did wrong, so I got fired a few weeks ago. I expect a lot more from myself and my life, and I want to get married and have a beautiful family. I want to build a big business and live my life with the overall intention of helping other people get what they want for their lives. I want to build a respectable, lasting legacy for my family. I want to study martial arts and get my overall physical and mental fitness at their respective peaks. I'm just in a serious funk right now and suffering from a lack of motivation because of being so down on myself for my previous mistakes. At times I feel that the missing link in my life is having a good woman at my side. But I'm also smart and mature enough to realize that I will only attract a woman like that if I start to build myself into the man she wants in HER life and would want her babies to look up to. So from now on, I'm going to try my best to do that every day. I'm not telling you this because I want your pity, and I know that there are only a fraction of a percent of the people on this site who will even read this whole Blog post. But I know that It's only the people who care that matter. ;) Feel free to respond or Inbox me if you want to, but again I'm not looking for pity or condolence. I'm just tired of living below my potential, and needed to vent some.
