tinheart

a little over a week in the new apartment and i finally have internet access. haven't been on the site the whole time since i can't exactly look at naked girls at work (phooey!). the past couple weeks have been some of the most difficult in my life. i'm finally getting some focus as to what to do with my life. i've been meeting a lot of really great artists lately, mostly metalsmiths, and it's really encouraged me to go back to school so i can study art. i don't know why it took me so long to figure this out. confidence in my own abilities has never been my strong suit. but now i know i'm definitely moving in the right direction.
along with this has been dealing with the break-up on new year's eve. this has been the hardest 3 weeks of my life. mostly i just feel numb. except for those times when i think about what could have been. then i just have to make sure i make it to the bathroom so no one in the office will see me tear up or start full on bawling. everyday i want nothing more than to feel her touch and to hold her tight and tell her that everything will be ok. we haven't actually spoken at all since then, because if i even hear her voice it'll make things that much harder. i cant' cave in at this point. mornings are the worst. the commute gives me too much time to think, and remember, and miss her.
but this year is going to be a time of growth and change. i'm trying my best to be a better person all around. more productive. more focused. i have to work on not just who i am, but who i want to be.