I FINALLY decided to break down and get a cell phone . Yes , you heard me right . I was the last human being on Earth to refrain from having a cell phone . Well...no more . Why , you ask ? There was a series of events that transpired over the course of last month that left me thinking to myself " Man...if I just had a goddamn cell phone all of this bullshit could have been avoided . " EVERY SINGLE TIME . So I did it . 
Now I'm trying to figure out how to work the fucking thing . There's a manual that came with this little bastard that's thicker than the manual that came with my friggin' car!!!!!! So I say to myself " Self...I'm a reasonably intelligent guy , right ? " Myself agreed with me . " I can figure this little technological abomination out without spending the next three months reading this piece of shit manual . " . Uh huh . I tried to set up my voice mail and pushed the wrong button and inadvertantly caused the "Star Wars : Nuclear Defense Satellite" that orbits the Earth to fire its entire payload of missiles onto the small country of Cochibamba at approximately 12:30 am Friday night thusly annhilating it in a hellstorm of nuclear fire . To all of the crispy dead Cochibambans and to all of the people who knew somebody who had , until last night , lived in Cochibamba I would like to sincerely say..."Oooops" . Them cell phones is some right confusinatin' little doohickeys , uh huh . Oh sure , I could read the manual NOW , but would that bring back all of those poor char grilled folks that I wiped out ? NO . Besides , if I gave in and just read the instructions that would make me a QUITTER , wouldn't it ? Come on , what are the odds that I would decimate ANOTHER country while trying to set my ringtone ? Watch...I'll prove it right now .
Uhhhhhm.....there's some kind of blinking red light flashing on my phone . That CAN'T be good . Guess I better prepare ANOTHER statement .
Now I'm trying to figure out how to work the fucking thing . There's a manual that came with this little bastard that's thicker than the manual that came with my friggin' car!!!!!! So I say to myself " Self...I'm a reasonably intelligent guy , right ? " Myself agreed with me . " I can figure this little technological abomination out without spending the next three months reading this piece of shit manual . " . Uh huh . I tried to set up my voice mail and pushed the wrong button and inadvertantly caused the "Star Wars : Nuclear Defense Satellite" that orbits the Earth to fire its entire payload of missiles onto the small country of Cochibamba at approximately 12:30 am Friday night thusly annhilating it in a hellstorm of nuclear fire . To all of the crispy dead Cochibambans and to all of the people who knew somebody who had , until last night , lived in Cochibamba I would like to sincerely say..."Oooops" . Them cell phones is some right confusinatin' little doohickeys , uh huh . Oh sure , I could read the manual NOW , but would that bring back all of those poor char grilled folks that I wiped out ? NO . Besides , if I gave in and just read the instructions that would make me a QUITTER , wouldn't it ? Come on , what are the odds that I would decimate ANOTHER country while trying to set my ringtone ? Watch...I'll prove it right now .
Uhhhhhm.....there's some kind of blinking red light flashing on my phone . That CAN'T be good . Guess I better prepare ANOTHER statement .
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
annalee:
Though its just a prototype it is amazing! I love it 
Dont worry about if the power is good or evil, with the giant squid that doesnt matter! 
Dont worry about if the power is good or evil, with the giant squid that doesnt matter! 
gigirash:
ran across your journal and decided to read it .............it was funny 
..........congrats on the cell phone!
..........congrats on the cell phone!