tinfoilhalo

So I went out to the bike trail for the first time since last year . Man...my freakin' legs are KILLING me!!!!! Why is trying to be healthy so HARD ???? Why can't science just come up with a handy dandy little pill that I can take that counteracts all of the terrible things that I eat and drink ? I mean , COME ON science . You can shoot monkeys into space to determine whether or not they fling their own poo in zero G's . Let me just save you some time and billions of dollars...they do . It's the one thing monkeys doTRULY well , besides politics .

Until then , I suppose I'll have to settle for a magical substance that makes me THINK I'm in great shape , handsome , suave , and indestructible . Ahhhhhh...alchohol , my old friend . If you're lucky , the person you're trying to sell this great illusion to has also consumed the proper ammount of alcohol to actually BUY the smoke and mirrors show you're putting on . If it wasn't for booze the human race would wither and die out . Homer Simpson said it best..."Alcohol , the reason for and solution to all of life's problems . "

Now I'm going to go sit back and think about all of the nasty fat cells that I burned off today . Then I can think about all of the fat cells that I will , no doubt , gain back because I'm fucking CRIPPLED from trying to get healthy . I won't be able to move for a week or two , at least . Excersise is such a paradox .

I'll leave you with this...



See . Monkeys have developed their OWN space program . They don't NEED us . As soon as they discover how to make fire , they will launch THEMSELVES into space . Where they will fling poo at each other in zero G's . Everything comes full circle . GO MONKEY GO!!!!!!!