tinfoilhalo

Yeah . Things are a little better . At least my tax refund check showed up , so I'm not AS broke . I think I just have cabin fever ( NO . Not like in the movie Cabin Fever ) . I need warm weather and snow free roads . Then things will be good .

As promised , I refuse to be whiny anymore . So I'll leave you with this bit of comic book nerdishness...I was looking at some old Avengers comic books that I had and something peculiar hit me . For those of you who aren't fanboys or fangirls(Is ther such a thing???) The Avengers are Marvel Comics' super team who fight the typical Earth threatening menaces that seem to constantly rise up . The team consists of a rotating squad of heroes , but there are always three main guys . Captain America - America's "Super Soldier" . He's got enhanced strength , reflexes , fighting skills , yadda , yadda, yadda . Iron Man - A billionaire industrialist who created an advanced armored exoskeleton with various gadgets and weapons for fighting baddies all over the world . Finally , and this is the one that struck me as odd , Thor . Thor's a friggin Viking thunder god . A GOD!!!! He wields a magical hammer that can crush mountains , he can call down lightning bolts , AND he's ridiculously strong and tough . So this got me wondering , how did these guys recruit a god to join them ? Did they just hold open auditions ?

Cut to Avengers mansion . Captain America is seeing applicants for their "God or deity" position . First applicant...Ganesha , the Hindu elephant headed god .

CAP : "Sooooo...Ganesha , is it ? What makes you want to be one of The Avengers : Earth's Mightiest Heroes ? " GANESHA : "Well , I saw your add in the paper and happened to be in the area . So I figured...what the heck ." CAP: "Right . So , uhhm , what can you do ?" GANESHA : "Well actually I'm kind of the Hindu god of domestic tranquility , but I can be rough if need be . Uhhhh...I've got this elephant head . That's kind of scary , right ? Oooooh...and I've got FOUR arms!!!!!You know to...uuuhm... throw stuff ." CAP : "Uh huh . Listen , I'm gonna' give it to you straight . Tony , err...Iron Man I mean , had kind of a bad experience with elephants when he was a kid . His nanny got trampled right in front of him when they were at the circus . Poor kid . REALLY messed him up . Led to a nasty drinking problem . So , if you joined , it might cause him to have a relapse . Which would be bad....yeah . So here's what I WILL do for you . Here's the number of the JLA / JSA recruitment desk . I think you'd be just super as a teammate of Lobo . He's some kind of weird space badger guy . You two would be absolutely PERFECT together . What do you say ?" GANESHA : "Oh...uhhm...okay . " CAP : "Great . Jarvis , our butler , will hook you up with that number . Thanks for stopping by . NEXT!!! "

In walks Buddha .

BUDDHA: "Hi , I'm Buddha . You're Captain America , right ? Big fan . I gotta' say this is a..." CAP : "Listen . Buddha...I don't know how to say this politely , or politically correct , or whatever , but we do a LOT of running in The Avengers . There's ALWAYS some threat looming on the horizon and we have to move quickly to intercept it . It looks like you have a bit of a...weight issue . You'd have a coronary before you even got to the battlefield . You seem like a good Joe , so I'll have Jarvis get you a free membership to Gold's Gym . We saved their Venice Beach branch from an alien monster one time and the owner owes us a favor . After you work that belly off , come back and see us . Alright ?" BUDDHA : "Uhhhm...thanks for seeing me ." CAP : "Sure . " BUDDHA : "It's glandular , by the way . " CAP : "Of course it is . NEXT!!!!!"

In strides Thor , the norse thunder god decked out in his godly armor and carrying his mystical hammer , Mjolnir .

CAP : " WOW . THAT is a BIG hammer . " THOR : "Indeed , good Captain . It hath leveled mountains , and smited Frost Giants with one blow ." CAP : " Cooooool . And I'm really digging the cape and the helmet with the wings on it . Nice touch . VERY imposing . " THOR : " HA, HA, HA!!!! Thank you , I was admiring thine shield as well . " CAP : "YEAH!!!! it's unbreakable . I smacked Adolf Hitler in the face with it once . " THOR: " WELL DONE , my most valiant friend . I wanted to launch a volley of lightning bolts down upon that Hitler's diabolical brow , but it seemed a bit extreme . " CAP : You can launch LIGHTNING BOLTS too ????? That is AWSOME!!!! " THOR : " Thor Odinsson also possesses a mighty DVD collection . Hast thou seen Boondock Saints before ? " CAP : "No , is it good ? " THOR : "Verily , my friend . It is one of my FAVORITE films . Two young Irish men take on an army of criminals and strike them down with their righteous vengeance . " CAP : " Oooooh!!!! They're kinda' like us!!!! Avengers , I mean . " THOR : " Yes , but they shoot people . " CAP : " We don't do that . But it sounds like a great movie anyhow . I'll bet Wonder Man would like it . He's really into those dark action shoot em ups . " THOR : " HA , HA , HA!!!!" Cap : "Well , Thor , I think we've found our new Avenger . How soon can you start ? I've got a feeling we're about due for a Skrull attack , so the sooner the better . " THOR : " Then I shall start immediately . This is truly a good omen , for I was going to ask if I could use your restroom anyway . " CAP : " HA!!! Down the hall , third door on the left . "

As Captain America begins to leave his office , Jarvis walks in and announces that there is still one applicant left . Cap agrees to see him , even though he's all but decided on Thor . Jesus Christ walks in and takes a seat .

CAP : " How are you today Mr. Christ ? " JESUS : " I am well , my son . Thank you for asking . " CAP : "Uhhhh...so what kind of super powers do you have ? " JESUS : " I can walk on water , make blind men see , resurrect myself from the dead , turn water into wine , ... " CAP : " Uh huh . Did you happen to meet Thor out there in the lobby ? " JESUS : " Why no , I must have just missed him . Why do you ask , my son ? " CAP : " 'Cause he had this WICKED big hammer , and it was SOOOO cool . Do YOU have any really big weapons that could smash an enemy through a building ? " JESUS : " Weapons ? No . I am a man of peace . " CAP : Well , we kind of FIGHT evil . I mean , peace is great and all , but have you ever tried talking peace to Ultron ? That guy's a KILLER ROBOT . He'd just as soon vaporize your family as talk to you . You see , as AVENGERS , we tend to AVENGE . We're pretty much all about beating the crap out of evil . " JESUS : " Hmmmmm...I see . Well , I suppose I could use my staff to hit robots , as they aren't human , and..." CAP : " A STAFF????? I've had to fight THE HULK on the occasions when he gets out of control . He threw a friggin city bus at me one time . A BUS . He'd take that staff and pick his teeth with it . " JESUS : " But I ..." CAP : " Honestly , I think maybe you should reconsider this whole super hero thing Mr. Christ . You're a very nice man , but you just don't have an ass kicking bone in your body . That's fine . Some people are better at talking than fighting . Whatever's your thing , man . " JESUS : " I'm not going to get the job , am I ? " CAP : " Not a chance . I CAN hook you up with an Avengers T-shirt though . " JESUS : "..." CAP : "You can forgive me for not hiring you , can't you ? " JESUS : " I pretty much HAVE to . "

So there you have it folks . That wasn't depressing at all , was it ? I hope not , or else my sense of humor has completely been destroyed . I gots to go now , but "THANKS" to all of you who tried to cheer me up . Much appreciated . And now...MONKEYS .