Time for another rousing installment of TinfoilHalo's "SALUTE TO TRUE AMERICAN HEROES" . This is where I seek to give praise to those heroic Americans who would normally be overlooked in favor of astronauts , professional athletes , and people who pull orphans out of burning buildings . I'm sure all of you will recognize the name of todays TRUE AMERICAN HERO , but what you might not know is how he rose to fame . onward to the story of CAPTAIN CRUNCH...
Nathaniel Emerson Crunch was born in 1723 in the tiny colony of Nantucket , Massachusettes . Being so close to the ocean , it was only natural for a young Nate Crunch to want to follow in his father's footsteps and become a seafaring man . He started out on a small fishing boat and quickly made a name for himself as one of the finest first mates in all of the Nantucket / Cape Cod area . It wasn't until later , when Nathaniel enlisted in the local navy to fight the British tyranny and free the Amaerican colonists that he truly rose to fame . He endured great hardships including , but not limited to , a strong sense of aprehension at being referred to as a "seaman" and almost constant torment by people reciting him dirty limericks involving "A man from Nantucket " as the main character . But endure them he did , with quiet grace and dignity . Although he became one of the greatest heroes of the American naval forces and rose to the rank of captain , he was eventually remembered for something less military related . On one of his many sea voyages after the Revolutionary War , the good captain woke one morning with a rumbling stomach . He went to the galley in search of something to eat for breakfast . All that was available to him was some three day old "Seagull Surprise" ( Incidentally...the "surprise" was SQUID-BITS
) . Captain Crunch passed on the vile stew and thought to himself " There MUST be something better than this that I can eat " . So he went into the cargo hold of his mighty vessel The Guppy , where he found some corn , oats , sugar , and a few other assorted ingredients . He went back to the galley and in a moment that would resonate through history , he invented BREAKFAST CEREAL . The sweet crunchy golden vittles were an instantaneous hit with the crew , and became a local favorite in the Captain's home port of Nantucket . As time went by Nathaniel hoped to improve upon his personal recipe for Captain Crunch's Olde Time Breakfast Cereal by adding fresh fruit to the mixture . He had this idea when so many of his crew members began showing signs of scurvy . Crunch docked at a heretofore unexplored tropical island on one of his trading runs and picked some peculiar red berries from some of the local bushes . He dubbed them "Crunch Berries" and added them to his cereal . After a few weeks at sea the potent berries did INDEED cure his crewmember's scurvy . Unfortunately they also CAUSED leprosy . The entire crew of The Guppy , including the heroic captain , perished in a most unpleasant way . The Guppy was found by a British naval vessel under the command of a General Horatio Mills . The secret recipe , minus the Towongan Death Berries (As they were later found out to be ) , was taken by the general and was to be sent back to be used solely for the British navy . Fate stepped in however , when the dreaded pirate ship "Chocula's Ghost " captained by the infamous sea dog Antonio " The Tiger " Santiago boarded the small naval vessel and stole the recipe away . The Tiger wrote the recipe down and kept it for himself , although he made a few small changes . He later sold the recipe to a merchant in a small Quaker seaport . That merchant kept the recipe in his family for generations . Now we all know that Quaker Oats : Cap'n Crunch cereal is loved by millions of sugar loving morning people all over the world , but I'll bet you DIDN'T know it's long history and how it tied into several other fine breakfast cereals did you ? Well , I try to inform as well as entertain . I hope that you all enjoyed this latest , HISTORY & VITAMIN RICH , installment of TinfoilHalo's TRUE AMERICAN HEROES . Whenever you wake up and begin to shovel those tasty crunchy golden morsels into your mouth , I want you to remember the mighty Captain and how he died horribly amongst a ship full of decaying lepers who had eaten poisonous berries . Good day to you all . 
Nathaniel Emerson Crunch was born in 1723 in the tiny colony of Nantucket , Massachusettes . Being so close to the ocean , it was only natural for a young Nate Crunch to want to follow in his father's footsteps and become a seafaring man . He started out on a small fishing boat and quickly made a name for himself as one of the finest first mates in all of the Nantucket / Cape Cod area . It wasn't until later , when Nathaniel enlisted in the local navy to fight the British tyranny and free the Amaerican colonists that he truly rose to fame . He endured great hardships including , but not limited to , a strong sense of aprehension at being referred to as a "seaman" and almost constant torment by people reciting him dirty limericks involving "A man from Nantucket " as the main character . But endure them he did , with quiet grace and dignity . Although he became one of the greatest heroes of the American naval forces and rose to the rank of captain , he was eventually remembered for something less military related . On one of his many sea voyages after the Revolutionary War , the good captain woke one morning with a rumbling stomach . He went to the galley in search of something to eat for breakfast . All that was available to him was some three day old "Seagull Surprise" ( Incidentally...the "surprise" was SQUID-BITS
) . Captain Crunch passed on the vile stew and thought to himself " There MUST be something better than this that I can eat " . So he went into the cargo hold of his mighty vessel The Guppy , where he found some corn , oats , sugar , and a few other assorted ingredients . He went back to the galley and in a moment that would resonate through history , he invented BREAKFAST CEREAL . The sweet crunchy golden vittles were an instantaneous hit with the crew , and became a local favorite in the Captain's home port of Nantucket . As time went by Nathaniel hoped to improve upon his personal recipe for Captain Crunch's Olde Time Breakfast Cereal by adding fresh fruit to the mixture . He had this idea when so many of his crew members began showing signs of scurvy . Crunch docked at a heretofore unexplored tropical island on one of his trading runs and picked some peculiar red berries from some of the local bushes . He dubbed them "Crunch Berries" and added them to his cereal . After a few weeks at sea the potent berries did INDEED cure his crewmember's scurvy . Unfortunately they also CAUSED leprosy . The entire crew of The Guppy , including the heroic captain , perished in a most unpleasant way . The Guppy was found by a British naval vessel under the command of a General Horatio Mills . The secret recipe , minus the Towongan Death Berries (As they were later found out to be ) , was taken by the general and was to be sent back to be used solely for the British navy . Fate stepped in however , when the dreaded pirate ship "Chocula's Ghost " captained by the infamous sea dog Antonio " The Tiger " Santiago boarded the small naval vessel and stole the recipe away . The Tiger wrote the recipe down and kept it for himself , although he made a few small changes . He later sold the recipe to a merchant in a small Quaker seaport . That merchant kept the recipe in his family for generations . Now we all know that Quaker Oats : Cap'n Crunch cereal is loved by millions of sugar loving morning people all over the world , but I'll bet you DIDN'T know it's long history and how it tied into several other fine breakfast cereals did you ? Well , I try to inform as well as entertain . I hope that you all enjoyed this latest , HISTORY & VITAMIN RICH , installment of TinfoilHalo's TRUE AMERICAN HEROES . Whenever you wake up and begin to shovel those tasty crunchy golden morsels into your mouth , I want you to remember the mighty Captain and how he died horribly amongst a ship full of decaying lepers who had eaten poisonous berries . Good day to you all . VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
darklis:
Your comment made me laugh. I'm not sure what kind of pie that cat's having, but it appears as though he's being throttled. 
darklis:
I love me some tasty crunchy golden morsels. 